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The Constant Battle
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Oh_To_Be_Perfect



Joined: 17 Jul 2006
Posts: 178
PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:13 pm    Post subject: Note The Constant Battle Reply with quote

It happened again. Am i surprised? No, i assumed that it would..yet, i still had some little piece of hope that i was finally in control, and that i wouldnt be weak. I am. Im weak. I suppose the 35lbs i lost and the 11 day fast i accomplished wasnt ENOUGH for me??!! What is wrong with me!!?! So long story short, i was doing great with not eating and losing weight...my boyfriend came to visit for a week and a half...we ate a lot of fat food...he left...i still ate fat food...i pretty much had a 3 week binge...i gained a gross amount of weight....and now i am on the 6th day of fasting. I have fasted for 6 days and i dont even feel any different than i did before i started.I feel gross. I fly to see my boyfriend on friday... which means i can only completely fast for 4 more days. Im hoping i will lose a substantial amount of weight in the next 4 days, but probably not. My visit is going to be nothing but miserable if im feeling this fat. I wont even want to go in public. How does someone go from 115lbs to 135lbs in three and a half weeks???? They are weak and gross.
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AlicetheCamel



Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 431
PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:31 pm    Post subject: Note Reply with quote

Hey, please don't feel bad. I really think being positive might help you to lose the weight you put on. Don't judge yourself too harshly - we all gain a few pounds every now and then. I know I do!!! But you'll lose a fair bit in the next few days; it sounds like you have brilliant self control, hon. I wish you all the luck in the world!!!
If you want, we can compare work-outs or whatever. Smile
Good luck to you, and congratulations so far, xxx
P.S - Have fun with your boyfriend!!! Smile
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Oh_To_Be_Perfect



Joined: 17 Jul 2006
Posts: 178
PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:51 pm    Post subject: Note Reply with quote

AlicetheCamel wrote:
Hey, please don't feel bad. I really think being positive might help you to lose the weight you put on. Don't judge yourself too harshly - we all gain a few pounds every now and then. I know I do!!! But you'll lose a fair bit in the next few days; it sounds like you have brilliant self control, hon. I wish you all the luck in the world!!!
If you want, we can compare work-outs or whatever. Smile
Good luck to you, and congratulations so far, xxx
P.S - Have fun with your boyfriend!!! Smile


Aww thanks, thats really sweet. Its just hard see all of my hard work be thrown away. My self control is actually to extremes in both directions.. at times i have enough self control to fast for weeks and stick to a workout...but i dont know how to eat a little bit or in portions...i guess its something i was never taught. So when i do eat, its out of control and i have a hard time not having a binge.
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AlicetheCamel



Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 431
PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:00 pm    Post subject: Note Reply with quote

I know exactly what you mean...I ate SO much earlier that it was gross...But I think it was good, because after that I came up and signed on here. And we can all help each other out here, seriously. You WILL lose weight. You have the control and I know you can. Smile
Love, xxx
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Oh_To_Be_Perfect



Joined: 17 Jul 2006
Posts: 178
PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:56 pm    Post subject: Note Reply with quote

AlicetheCamel wrote:
I know exactly what you mean...I ate SO much earlier that it was gross...But I think it was good, because after that I came up and signed on here. And we can all help each other out here, seriously. You WILL lose weight. You have the control and I know you can. Smile
Love, xxx


Thanks so much! Now i remember why i did so well when i had the support from this site...and why i did so horrible when i stopped using it. Thats really awesome that you joined, and i would love to keep in touch! ANd yeah, sometimes i need to eat a lot and feel gross because it gives me a boost of motivation.
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gcat



Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 104
Location: Colorado
PostPosted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 3:37 am    Post subject: Note Reply with quote

Take a picture of yourself now that you feel fat and gross. Then look at it next time you feel like giving in. Then when you loose weight again, take another picture of you looking awsome and keep both of them together to view at any time. Print them, keep them in your pocket.

Does your boyfriend support you on your weight loss? Like could you tell him that you are on a diet and he'll try not to take you out to eat all kinds of fatty foods?
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DollyAna



Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 2240
PostPosted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 9:25 am    Post subject: Note Reply with quote

hey hun,chin up & best foot forward.just remember "nothing tastes as good as it feels to be thin"!!!!! Laughing
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kira



Joined: 25 Aug 2006
Posts: 15
Location: australia
PostPosted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 12:13 pm    Post subject: Note Reply with quote

holy shit! i no exzactly what you mean, ive put on exzactly the same amount of weight as you in the same time! its so detering cos your like, my god i worked so hard to lose it... how could i have let myself go that far again? i kept thinking to myself, oh its only one more pound, ill lose it asy again, and no look where i am! i will tell you one thing; i wont do it again lol... good luck hun, i hope you manage to get the weight off asap!
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AlicetheCamel



Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 431
PostPosted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 4:06 pm    Post subject: Note Reply with quote

Oh_To_Be_Perfect wrote:

Thanks so much! Now i remember why i did so well when i had the support from this site...and why i did so horrible when i stopped using it. Thats really awesome that you joined, and i would love to keep in touch! ANd yeah, sometimes i need to eat a lot and feel gross because it gives me a boost of motivation.

*huggles your tiny (soon to be tinier) self* I know you're going to do great. Smile
So how long have you been dieting?
xxx
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Oh_To_Be_Perfect



Joined: 17 Jul 2006
Posts: 178
PostPosted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 5:08 pm    Post subject: Note Reply with quote

First of all, thank you ALL SOO MUCH for all of the support! Its so much easier to get through this when there are people to relate with and talk to! On that note...

gcat - I actually put a picture frame together for my boyfriend with pictures of us, so i was forced to look at pictures from my high weight (149lbs) and more recent ones at 115lbs...and i can tell you that i was so ashamed to look at the older pictures...that idea seems to really help! I think i will actually stick some pictures in my purse now! As for my boyfriend...he doesnt support my disordered eating. I used to be really on track and i was down to about 100lbs....and he wanted me to get help and was really scared ...blah blah blah..and then thats when i packed on all the pounds...he stared shoving food in my face (it makes me so upset..but i know he had what he thought was my best interests in mind) and i gained A LOT of weight. Then i moved back home because he had to leave to play baseball and i was extremely stressed. Well over the 2 1/2 months that we didnt see eachother this summer, i lost 35lbs. I just knew he was going to suspect that i was having eating problems when he saw me...so i ate gross greasy food that i would have never eaten when being strict while he was visited...to kind of fool him...i played off a "ive been working out really hard" thing. It worked but he told me he didnt want me to lose anymore weight. But i will.


dollybabe63 - yes, i love that quote! its soo true!


Kira - Its nice to know that im not the only one feeling this way! I am definitely trying hard to get back down! Thanks for the motivation, and good luck with you as well!!


AlicetheCamel - Well when you say "dieting" im not sure how to quite answer that. Thats how it started. It started out as "im watching my carbs" ...then ..."im watching my carbs and my fats" ...then..."im watching my carbs and my fats and my calories" ...then..."im only eating vegetales and egg whites"....then.."im only eating enough vegetables to keep myself from passing out" ...But it got to the point where it was more than just a "diet"...i would feel like i was going to puke if i saw someone eating fattening foods. When i looked at food i just saw the dripping fat and calories and grease and everything else that was in it. .....life was so much easier then...You couldnt have payed me a million bucks to eat a piece of cheesecake..or a piece of bread, for that matter.. ..::sigh::.. ...but im getting back.
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DollyAna



Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 2240
PostPosted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 5:25 pm    Post subject: Note Reply with quote

hey hun,how did you manage to lose so much weight in the first place when you got down to 115lbs? i've had a better day today with no binge/purging! Surprised
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Oh_To_Be_Perfect



Joined: 17 Jul 2006
Posts: 178
PostPosted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 6:16 pm    Post subject: Note Reply with quote

dollybabe63 wrote:
hey hun,how did you manage to lose so much weight in the first place when you got down to 115lbs? i've had a better day today with no binge/purging! Surprised


I am assuming you are talking about the 2 1/2 months that i lost 35lbs? ... If you are.....I had been binge eating every single day for quite some time so i wanted to kind of ease myself back into things. I started out by eating about 1200 calories a day. I walked about 3 miles 5 mornings a week and did some weight training about 3 days a week. After about a month of that, i switched to all vegetables and egg whites with an occasional sugar free popsicle or sugar free fudgesicle. I did that for about a month. Then i did a 5 days fast. Only water, diet coke and coffee. I went back to veggies for about a week, and then i did an 11 day fast.

Glad your day is going well! This is the 7th day of my fast and its going great! Made lunch for my mom, and i wasnt even tempted to taste it!
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AlicetheCamel



Joined: 10 Sep 2006
Posts: 431
PostPosted: Mon Sep 11, 2006 9:37 pm    Post subject: Note Reply with quote

Oh_To_Be_Perfect wrote:

AlicetheCamel - Well when you say "dieting" im not sure how to quite answer that. Thats how it started. It started out as "im watching my carbs" ...then ..."im watching my carbs and my fats" ...then..."im watching my carbs and my fats and my calories" ...then..."im only eating vegetales and egg whites"....then.."im only eating enough vegetables to keep myself from passing out" ...But it got to the point where it was more than just a "diet"...i would feel like i was going to puke if i saw someone eating fattening foods. When i looked at food i just saw the dripping fat and calories and grease and everything else that was in it. .....life was so much easier then...You couldnt have payed me a million bucks to eat a piece of cheesecake..or a piece of bread, for that matter.. ..::sigh::.. ...but im getting back.

I just hope the end result makes you smile, sweetie. Very Happy And it will!
xxx
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Oh_To_Be_Perfect



Joined: 17 Jul 2006
Posts: 178
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 12:29 am    Post subject: Note Reply with quote

Welp..its the end of the 7th day of fasting. 1 week down. Im feeling pretty good. Mom made her amazing spaghetti tonight...i wanted to eat it soo bad! I wasnt hungry, i just know how yummy it is. So i left the house. Just got home, and dinner is over and the windows are open so the aroma is gone. So glad i left. On to day number 8.
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lady_lovelylocks



Joined: 31 Jul 2006
Posts: 349
Location: Norway
PostPosted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 5:47 am    Post subject: Note Reply with quote

Wow! You are doing sooo good!! Congrats on a week of fasting Smile I have tried and tried to fast the past days, but I dont think I can do it right now.. So I'm back to restricting, and will try to work my way down to a fast... starting at under 500, then under 300, then a fast... hope it will work!
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