Stepping Up To The Empty Plate

[DizzyUpTheGirl]

Jeez, it's been a long time since I've last been here. Spring is slowly starting out here and I've recently noticed how much I've been missing this place and all the wonderful people/stories/support.

I'm still struggling in about the same weight as before, but I guess now I've been living with it for so long that for every day that goes by I feel fatter and more ugly and I just can't stand it anymore. I feel like the clothes that used to be saggy on me are now tight as hell. I don't know if it really is true, but that's how I feel.

I can handle the regular meals and healthy foods but the amounts are still way too big. I've made this calendar that goes on 'til October or something and for every day that has been okay food-wise I check it normally, but days that haven't been good I check with a red pen. Now I've got "okay-checks" for a really long period of time and I don't want to ruin it run with a red check and that motivates me. It's quite silly, but it works. The calendar is hanging in the kitchen next to the fridge, which also helps me keep my motivation up. Also, I've stuck lost of pictures of myself during my thin and toned years on the fridge door.

So now it's just about exercising more and eating less. Sounds simple

I'd like to start jogging but it's never really been my thing. Although I'm not unfamiliar with exercising, jogging has always felt very unnatural to me/my body. I don't get red in my cheeks, my whole face gets red to the point that people actually look at me like there's something wrong, my whole body starts aching and the inside of my body feels weird. It just doesn't seem to fit me, but I live near the city where I see people jogging all the time and it seems so nice and effective. I live near like a dozen great joggingroutes and I'd like to be more outdoors. I do take 3 dance classes weekly and do astanga-yoga once a week, plus I take the bike everywhere because I don't own a car (or have a driver's license for that matter ) so I do get some exercise but it doesn't seem to be enough, I still feel out of shape, or more out of shape than what I used to be. I still get completely out of breath when I'm walking the stairs and I hate it. I hate that feeling. So I just want to be in better shape. Ok, I'd love to be thin like Nicky Hilton (these days), but first of all I want to be healthy and fit.

So I guess I just have to go jogging although I hate it and I hate the way I end up looking after like five minutes of light jogging I hope I'll see at least some kind of progress at some point...

I'll (try and) keep you updated

Take care,

-Dizzy

ps. has anyone else had these kinds of problems with jogging?

[candy]

Hey Dizzy
Glad you're back, well sorta, wish no one had to hate themselves and come back, but it happens....

About the jogging, my face used to go totally red too, but as I got better at it, I guess the blood started going to my legs instead of my face. If I run inside it seems to go redder...Don't know why, but people ask if I'm alright since I'm so flushed, and I won't even be working hard...But it does get less and less

[Hollister76]

It's good to see you back :^)

boyfriends are the worst when it comes to food. I think males are programmed to think that food is priority and must be consumed at all times. Every date=food.
But we love 'em anyway.

Hope you have a skinny day
<3