Cure worse than the disease?

[littlekittentoes]

As some of you know, I've been struggling with various manifestations of ED for years...most recently COE/EDNOS.

*I* know I have a problem. It's obvious to anyone looking at me that I have a problem.

I'm trying my best to deal without fully reverting back to ANA/MIA. However, the other day my dad said something that totally wigged me out and I'm feeling a little freaky.

After numerous comments about how I need to lose weight, how my appearance/life/job situation/etc. would all be so much improved if I lost weight, he said "Well maybe you need to not eat for 10 days or so, just drink water".

This coming from an intelligent man who loves me to death and has never been anything but good to me. I'm his only child (I'm almost 30, but still...) and he always says that he just wants the best for me...

I don't know, I guess I'm just really conflicted and need to vent a little. It's like I have multiple ED personalities, and any little comment can cause a switch between them...

Crap. I don't know. The thing is, if I *don't* eat at all, the urge to binge just is not there. The minute I take a single bite of food, all is lost and it's like I black out and empty the fridge and cupboards.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, I think. Regardless of what ED behaviours are flaring at any given moment, it seems for me that I can't break the cycle.

[Tenuis]

I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm sure your father didn't mean any harm, the opposite is the case.
Maybe he has never dealt a lot with food and thus has no real clue about what it possible/impossible or good/harmful.
I guess he wants to help you but just does not know what to do or tell you that could really help you in the long run.

Do you think it might help if you told him that such little comments can screw up your sitation and well being completely? Not as in giving him fault but maybe with the solution that you can both talk openly about what his comments, whether they are good or bad, mean to you and thus you don't have to carry the weight of them alone.

*hugs* to you and best of luck and health!

[littlekittentoes]

Thanks for the reply...

I've told him a million times that some of the things he says really have a bad effect on me. Like when I was younger and I needed a new pair of glasses or some medication or something, I'd tell him and he'd say "no problem, I'll just eat boiled cardboard for the next month". He never meant it, he had plenty of money, but it always devastated me to hear that, and I've told him and told him that it makes me feel guilty, but nothing changed. And when I tried to explain some of the situations in our lives that contributed to my depressive thinking he totally freaked out... "Of course all of your screwed up thinking is TOTALLY MY FAULT isn't it" So, he takes the blame whether I mean it that way or not. So, I'm just gonna have to tough it out, I think. *sigh*

Thanks again for your response, it was very insightful and much appreciated

[Hopelessly]

I don't think parents realise the effect words have on their children, often they have the opposite effect to what they intended. when i was at my highest weight as a teenager my mother's favourite phrase was "you need to push away from the table." she's overweight herself and i know she was just trying to help but it just made things worse. i became really devious, hiding food all over the house, doing things like buying easter eggs for the whole family and eating them all myself, hiding the wrappers in my wardrobe until they were found and i was yelled at. which in turn perpetuated the cycle. she said it to me for the first time in about 7 years recently after i had gained again. i just froze, rooted to the spot while this white hot anget coursed through me. so i guess what i'm trying to say is do your best to ignore these comments as they will only drag you down. xxx

[perfectblue22]

He obviously isn't gonna change. So what you need to do is
a- not take him seriously
b- don't ask for advice (you know his answer is going to be anything but productive)
c- forget about the past.

He's old. His personality obviously consists of saying stupid things. So don't hold grudges against him. Don't ask him for serious advice. Because you know his answers are going to do nothing but hurt you.