my journal

[kells]

kels Journal
« Thread Started on Feb 6, 2007, 5:37am »

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I thought it would be a good idea for me to start my own journal. maybe i can look back on it and see how well i have done! ( I hope ) I am never going to give up i don't care what all these silly white coat doctors say. They don't know how much i want to loose weight, they don't know how i see my body how i hate it. my weight is now 112 pounds and i will keep going until i feel better. the next few days are going to be good days for me as its just me and the kids and they don't know what i eat and what i don't. He is away and already been on the phone asking me what i have eaten i told him i have had some celery and will have a big tea tonight. You better he said its like he is my Dad. I will take food out of the fridge and hide it in the bin then when he comes back he will think i have eaten it. cant do any sit ups today my tummy is really sore also my head feels really fuzzy more coffee is needed.

[kells]

Re: kels Journal
« Reply #1 on Feb 6, 2007, 10:11pm »

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I didnt have much sleep last night thought the 4 vodkas and coke i had would get it off to sleep. It did that alright for about half an hour while down stairs on the sofa. As soon as i came up to bed that was it i was wide awake feeling really bad for the bowl of special K i had today and the vodka. said i wasn't going to exercise yesterday but i did not as much as usual done 35 sit ups, 20 crunches, 20 leg lifts and ran up and down the stairs 20 time. Had to stop after that as when i was running up and down the stairs i got a fuzzy head, felt loads of pressure in my nose and thought i was going to have a nose bleed ( Which i have never had before) hope i have a good day today

[kells]

Re: kels Journal
« Reply #4 on Feb 7, 2007, 11:00pm »

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whats going on i was so good yesterday i worked out loads and only had one bowl of special K and i have put a pound on this morning. This is doing my head in am trying so hard but not loosing. grrrrrrr

[kells]

Re: kels Journal
« Reply #5 on Feb 8, 2007, 3:00am »

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well been to see the doc today, don't know what the point is! All she dont was asked questions and wrote down every thing i said. Got to go see another one tomorrow then on Monday some woman is coming to the house. I just tell them what they want to hear then get on with it my way.

[kells]

Re: kels Journal
« Reply #6 on Feb 8, 2007, 10:51pm »

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right OK so i was thinking muscle weighs heavier than fat so if your exercising can you do to much and build muscle instead of loosing fat? how long should you exercise for before you start building muscle? need to loose loose loose.

[kells]

Re: kels Journal
« Reply #7 on Feb 11, 2007, 4:10pm »

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you shold try and get some of the scales that measure body fat %.. as far as i konw (which isnt very far at all) it works by sending some sort of static charge up one side of your body and measures how long it takes to reach the other... and cos fat and muscle have completely different densities, it can use the time lag and weight recordings to work out how much fat and muslce you have..
i think thatd be the best thing to have. i know im not too much heavier than before, but its more fat and less lean muscle.. so don't freak out if you put on a pound, you couldve still lost 4 handfuls of fat

[kells]

Re: kels Journal
« Reply #8 on Feb 11, 2007, 10:56pm »

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ah never thought of that, think they have one of them in boots. It would be a bad idea for me to go out and buy one as i think it would become an obsession just like my scales are now. but will go up to boots and post body fat on here

[kells]

body fat 16.9%
body fat mass 8.6%

recommendations female
Excellent 21.0%
Good 26.0%
Average 29.3%
Poor 34.8%


well i lost abit more weight but, today i binged i know it might not sound like much to some but, i ate 2egg whites scrambled then i went on to having 6 little chocs and half a mars of course as soon as i ate them i threw them up and knew it was all out when i started seeing the eggs. Its the first time in over a year i have eaten chocolate so its really bad for me to give into it. Never again. I wish people would stop getting me chocolate i have loads of boxes of it just stuck in the garage if i chuck it out then he will find out and i will get into trouble. grrrrr if people would stop sending me chocolates saying i hope you feel better on the wrapping then i wouldn't of been able to binge. I feel really low and I'm even crying now sick of it just want to loose weight want to be thin is that to much to ask for?

[kells]

Re: kels Journal
« Reply #10 on Feb 13, 2007, 11:14pm »

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Today is a new day for me never again am i going to binge. I wont be having anything all today until tonight he has got pork chops out ( which i wont be eating) I may have a little bit of veg but i got these tablets off my sis that she got from the doc as she is obese, you take before meal times and the next day gets rid of the fat going to take some laxatives too. was great yesterday as he came to the docs with me and the doc told him he has to support me and not say anything when i don't eat. Oh yeah how good that made me feel he cant nag me anymore!

[kells]

Re: kels Journal
« Reply #11 on Feb 14, 2007, 10:58pm »

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didn't binge yesterday i did have some chicken in pitta bread last night for tea. But had some cheese 2. Its evil never again i told my hubby never to buy cheese again far to many calories. I'm off for a swim this morning feel a bit worried though as some times i feel really light headed and fuzzy i will just swim for half an hour see how i go. Going to my dads tomorrow not looking forward to it, 4 hour train ride grrrrrr. I wont be able to sit all the way as it hurts the bones in my back to sit so i will be up and down. After i come back from my dads I'm going to visit my mum but last night hubby said you cant drive to your mums your not well enough i know its only because he doesn't want me to go. I agreed that i would take the train to my dads as it is a long drive but mums is only 2 hours drive and I'm driving if he likes it or not.

[kells]

Re: kels Journal
« Reply #12 on Feb 14, 2007, 10:59pm »

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oh almost forgot i made him chuck the pork chops in the bin last night i told him they were no good and didn't smell right. Tee hee

[kells]

Re: kels Journal
« Reply #13 on Feb 15, 2007, 3:08am »

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Well my swim went ok did feel a little light headed but just got on with it. Found it a little hard to breath to don't know what that was down to as i wasn't out of breath. i went into the sauna as well but when i came out i had to do it very slowly as i thought i was going to pass out. I thought maybe i could sweat some fat off me. I looked awful in my swimming costume and knew people were looking at me as if i was some kind of freak. My fat wobbled as i walked out of the pool it made me feel sick. I JUST WANT TO BE THIN

[kells]

: kels Journal
« Reply #14 on Feb 15, 2007, 11:04pm »

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Well today is the day when i go and see my Dad not looking forward to it and I'm going to miss this site i might be able to sneak on while I'm at my Dads if i can work out on his computers how to delete my history. He was on the Phone saying how we will have to have a nice meal i hope he doesn't make me one. I wont be happy. Why does everyone think oh we will have a nice meal and everything will be great. Everyone is centered around food, Oh lets go out for lunch, let go have a nice meal, shall we go to that coffee shop and have an iced bun, oh while we are out shopping we can stop off for lunch. or oh i haven't seen you for ages you want to meet up For lunch. Why not meet up and go shopping or meet up and go for a walk why does every thing have to be around food???? I'm sitting here typing away and i don't even know if i am making sense. I am soooo NOT looking forward to going to Dad's

[kells]

Re: kels Journal
« Reply #15 on Feb 24, 2007, 7:15am »

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Well Wasn't to bad at Dads came back on Sunday then went to see my mam on Monday. I was messing on with my sister play fighting and my Mam shouted to me sister don't you will snap her and then put her hand over her mouth i couldn't believe she said it and knew she felt uncomfortable about it so i just laughed and said its OK. We had a huge argument about my eating and i told her i didn't want her fucking food. Then she went on to say how am going to die! Yeah right i got loads of fat still left on my body to keep me going for a long time. Any way how are all you i have missed the site while i been away!

[kells]

kels Journal
« Reply #16 on Feb 27, 2007, 12:47am »

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well i done well yesterday only had a little bit of chicken. I thought i was getting away with not having any tea as i didn't think there was a plate out for me but there was. grrrr ate the chicken and put some veg in a napkin. i thought i was Going die last night had pains in my ribs at the front and the back. Also its very uncomfortable when I'm in the bath it hurts my back to much when i try to lie down and sit up. going to get a cushion for when am driving as that may help.