Night Eating

[hadley]

Hi-- I am new to the site and the subject, and just wanted some thoughts.... I am in my late 20s, and have had problems with food since I was about 16. It started with sort of mild anorexia, lots of unhealthy dieting, etc-- and am generally food obsessed and very guilty about food.

In the past two years, though, I have become very much more of an over-eater, and it's clear to me that it is related to stress and to depression. I tend to binge eat (until I feel sick, sometimes even to the point of purging-- but only because I have eaten so much I feel ill, not usually because I want to purge calories) at night. I eat when I'm stressed or feeling sad.

It's really making my life miserable, because I sort of hate myself. To compensate I go through phases where I'm really strict with what I eat. I'm not overweight-- I'm a size 4 or so-- but have gained 10 lbs in the past 2 years and I really hate how I feel emotionally about myself.

I guess my questions are: does this sound like compulsive overeating (I think so)? What should I do to get help? What are the best online sites? Advice for change--? I'm hoping to start really changing my behavior soon, I want even to start tomorrow.


Thanks for any suggestions, thoughts, advice, pep talks, etc!

[katblack]

It actually does not sound like coe; it sounds like the onset of bulimia. I've been actively bulimic for two years, and what you described was exactly where I was when it all started to go down hill. If I were you, I'd get professional help NOW before this gets out of hand.

[hadley]

I've wondered about that too-- but I don't purge very often at all-- maybe 3 times in the past four months? At the most? And only when I feel really, really sick because I've overeaten. However I know something is wrong, so maybe that is it after all.... ugh. Are you on the road to recovery?

[katblack]

Through a bad fast food habit and absolutely no exercize, I was working towards obesity, when I decided to lose the weight for good. I lost seventy pounds in a matter of months by compulsively exercising and eating only vegetables. I thought I was being healthy, but now I think that was just my disorder taking a new road. When I started to plateau, I became increasingly freaked out about gaining the weight back, and that's when my ed really started to get out of hand. The vomiting started when I was at my highest weight ever, not because I had any plan at the time of losing the weight but simply because my stomach hurt so much from all the food I ate. I was certainly not vomiting more than once every six weeks, however. The purging started becoming more regular once I had lost the weight, and for a while, recently, it was becoming a rabid habit I did for its own sake. I would eat in a frenzy everything that I wanted knowing that I would purge it later, whereas before I would only purge after I had "accidentally" eaten too much. It got to the point where I was vomiting everythign I ate, eating everything in sight, purging 3-5 times a day, at work, at home, at my parents' home, at school. That fact that not purging for two days felt like a triumph should testify to how bad my problem had gotten. I don't really think recovery's in the cards for me; not full recovery, I'll never be able to relate to food normally, and I may have already done lasting damage to my stomach, esophogus and teeth, but I am working on getting thin without vomiting.

I guess in the end, what you need to know is that whether you get labelled coe or bulimic, the second you're sticking your fingers down your throat, you know you have a problem, no matter what it's called. You can either try to fight it alone or get help, but if you ignore it you could get a lot worse. It did for me.

[trinityliz]

Hadly, it sounds like right now your relationship with food isn't good. The first step would be to let go of any regrets or guilt you may have. So you have gained 10 lbs. Don't agonize over it, instead focus on what you can do to change. Try to eat a balanced healthy diet in order to repair any damage you have done to your body. I understand how difficult this is. If you overeat, instead of purging, sit for a min. and ask yourself a couple questions. What caused me to overeat just now? How does my body feel now that I have overeaten? Is this a feeling I enjoy and ever want to feel again? You may come to realize that you stop overeating because you don't like that feeling. Even if you do overeat again, don't get angry with yourself. You can try again tomorrow. Eventually it will get easier to eat healthy. Don't put ridiculous expectations on yourself either, you won't get miracously better overnight (and I'm sure you know this) so don't expect that of yourself. Also (and I know how hard this is too) try not to obsess with your weight for right now. As you start eating healthier, your body will go through some changes. Your digestive system will start to heal and function properly again, as will your metabolism. You may gain some weight in the beginning, but it will even out. It's worth it, because once you have a healthy body, you can work with it instead of against it to find a weight that is good for you. Remember to love youself and your body. Know that you have the strength to do what it takes! You are wonderful! Good Luck