max
Joined: 10 Oct 2006
Posts: 407
Location: New York . . . upstate:P
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 Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2006 7:00 pm Post subject:
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Thanks guys!  I probably shouldve put something in the"introduce yourself" section... but most the time i post something Im at work so I have limited posts ...lame! Seems like a really cool hide out!!
Mmmm... I didn't really post a story like most, so I guess I will now:P ahem . ..*clears throat*... I don't remember exactly when ana took a hold of me... I remember being size 8 at summer camp(I was 11-12 yrs old..?). Once I also remember someone taking a picture of me in a full bathingsuit and giving it to me and I gagged a little(I was 14ish). I remember watching baywatch when they had it running regularly... i guess I thought the pretty people got saved:P Anyways... there's a lot of little things and memories like these that I think made me start fasting now and then. Id fast a lot... sometimes Id only eat candy corn for weeks. At 18 I graduated HS... and didnt go to my graduation because my best friend was thinner and I couldnt fit in my dress:( (yes I threw a fit) .. at this point I binged, purged, and fasted when I could... I was living with my mother. (I forgot to add that for HS i was sent to boarding school... that's a lot of artificial skinny paris-type people 24/7). Anywho . .. at 19 I move to CA from the east coast. Its the furthest I could get from my family and not be hounded... they never knew about my eating prob... still dont. All through college I fasted.. and then I got my first job... here in NY.I 've been here since.. I love my job. I actually moved here with my EXboyfriend(angry face)...I gave him the chop when he asked if i was starving myself.  However I am now 100% isolated. Working world is diff than school... teachers, friends dont get concerned... everyone heads home at 6pm and forgets about everyone else. It's kinda lonely and ana has been by best friend(if i can call it that:P) I can honestly say that she has finally taken control of me. In the past 2 months I've gone from 133 lbs and size 8 pant to 110 and size 4/5. At first it was hard... really hard, but one day I went out for a "normal meal" with my friends .. got a salad and some soup...and 20 min into the meal I had to excuse myself. I wlked so fast/ ran across streets to my apartment(about a 20 min walk)... and ran right to the toliet. I honeslty could say... I have lost control:P I used to not eat cept maybe a handful of pretzels.. now I cant even do that. sometimes I dont have to even try to make myself sick.. at times Ill just drink water... and Ill get sick automatically. prob not a good thing. weekends are tough... because I dont go out with friends to bars n huge meals... so I tend to watch tv series dvd's and pace my room for 2 days... sometimes I almost crave work. I started dating a guy ...long distance... we share everything. I didnt tell him about my ana until 2 weeks ago because he got really concerned. I would not call because i lacked the energy ad would sleep alot... I finally HAD to tell him the truth because he threatened to call my family:X He made me promise to eat everyday... and I just can't do that, but I try not to lie :/ He gets upset about it alot... but he hasnt left me, and he's really supportive in a concerned way (wish i didnt tell him). Anyways... yeah thats where I'm at:P
sorry novel:X
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Members Journal
Max's Journal
Oct. 11.06 wednesday DAY2
In my opinion the guys never get it. The girls here are more support than I could've ever hoped for. I spent way to many years struggling by myself. How ever I will say that my current honey has no idea about my ana. He's a truck driver, so he's usually only here on the weekends. Which makes keeping my secret easier, he still sees me and says how good I look, he does not know that I hardly ever eat when he's not here. Day 5 of the fast is going pretty well too. Hope the weekend isn't too tough! Love and good luck to you!! 
;but get this he always said he'd love it if i wore a pair of jeans & i've always felt too fat to wear them untill recently i dropped a size & now i've bought some new jeans that he loves to see me wearing.. 
men,hah???? 
