Akaichou

[akaichou]

ok, i don't want to even think about what happened on holiday. let's just say i'm pretty much back to square 1 and fasting is shit. i don't know how the fuck i'm going to to this but i have about 17 days until my first day at college and i need to be at least 10lb lighter by then! so i'm starting afresh with this new journal. lets see if i can do it.. ^^;; i'm going to try not to fast for a long period of time because its way too hard to keep off and just makes me hate myself even more. so maybe i'll just throw in a day of fasting here and there and all the other days i'm going to have less than 500. if this doesn't work i don't know what will. i've been feeling so hopeless. sometimes i wonder if its all worth it.. living i mean. i'm really not coping. sigh.. i guess i'll just give it one more try. i watched a chat show about eating disorders and there was a girl on there so skinny and she was crying about it. i hate that. i felt so jealous and if she can do it why can't i. so frustrating. well, here we go again