it's so hard....

[AlicetheCamel]

[ThinMint06]

hello loves

love? haha not quite yet. i do have a boyfriend, since st patty's day haha me and my holiday relationships. hes really sweet and im his first gf and i think im going to break his heart, which of course is no ones intention-- esp mine. he comes up to visit me, which is a little crazy because he live in my home town, 3 hrs away and he's not suppose to be here because he lives with his rents, and it's their car and all that... but we don't fight, he's not so shy around me anymore and hes starting to open up. what scares me is i think he might end up being just a friend and if that happens, it'll be weird because he is my friend's brother... and i don't want to hurt him if things don't work out. i get the feeling that he thinks im just the best thing ever. which i don't get, of course.

food? gah. i suck basically. the b/p is out of control. my roomies have moved out, yes as in gone. they hated me that much. so i have my own apt now and i can b/p whenever i want and it is taking over. and i'm not fighting it anymore. i need to stop the binging and focus on purging everything. i need to stop gaining and losing and just start losing and losing more and more. i want to lose like 30 pounds by summer. i'm sick. i'm sooooo very sick. i can't look at myself long enough to even put on my make up which means not only do i look fat i also look ugly. ew

it's my birthday on sat. that means lunch out and cake and of course drinking a lot. but i'll purge it all. im scared for everything. im scared to stay fat, im scared ill get fatter. im so scared i'll get dumped-- even tho i kno he likes me... it's that omg i'm so hit and so fat what makes him even want to be near me??

im sad and confused and don't like who i am at all.

going to look at thinspo.

[Skinny_Chick]

How are you doll?? I've been so, so busy lately. That and everything seems to be happening at once. I miss you like crazy, if you want the low down on all the HUGS*

[ThinMint06]

Prom: May 9. That gives me less than 3 weeks to lose 20-- yes 20 AT LEAST! pounds. I'm currently a whooping 153--- go ahead and laugh/cringe/
whatever-- I did too! I can't believe it. The amount of hatred that is in my body right now is amazing. I am on a strict fast-- we're talking water. Water water water water and maybe some carrots... ug! oranges for the blood sugar.

I'm just not good enough

Today: small bowl special K with skim milk. 1 small orange
1 hour of turbo jam

[ThinMint06]

So my dinner of an orange came back to haunt me at like 4 am. So I was up for a while with stomach pangs and dry heaves. Ug. But I just fell asleep without eating again.

Today I woke up and ate a small orange. I'm feeling pretty good. I'm going to do some Turbo Jam cardio party. then shower and finish up with school work.

Todays weight: 149.5

Need to lose 9.5lbs by friday!!!!!

everyone stay strong for skinny!!

[ThinMint06]

I pack of weight loss oatmeal. tons of studying and exam... ug. 3 more tomorrow- in a row, no less.

then i have to finish my 7pg paper for spanish.

oh i'm so defeated. at least my eating is ok

today is a sad day.