This is it.

[Chihiro]

Well, I'm back. I've gained back too much weight and I'm miserable. I've been eating more or less normal for the past few months, and this is what I get.

I've been purging really often this past week, and now I'm getting chest pains. It scares me. I'm also unable to eat without it coming back up. (sorry to gross you out).

I feel so disgusting, and so dissapointed in myself. Clothes that were loose a few months ago are tight again, and summer is coming. I'm determined to lose the weight this time. It's hard for several reason. Mostly my boyfriend who I live with, and my job.

When I restrict I get light headed and shaky, and my job requires me to be on all the time. Any suggestions?

Well, today I had:

1 egg (70 cal)
1 cup coffee
1 booster juice (270 cal)
1 can soup (280 cal)

= 629 cal

This is good compared to what I've been at lately. I'm going to try and ease my way back into it. It's funny, when I was really into my ED I couldn't even eat a piece of bread, that would have been catastrophic. To have gone from that to eating cereal and peanut butter is beyond me.

I don't think full recovery is ever possible. It's like what they say about addicts, they're recovering their entire lives.

I just want to be thin and happy.
It seems pretty hopeless at this point.

[meltmyselflikeice]

Sorry to hear you're feeling so disgusted with yourself at this point. I'm feeling the same way about summer, job, clothes and recovery.
About work... I'm struggling with this too as I need to be focussed and have enough energy. Perhaps try taking in more protein and some carbs and have a couple of small meals throughout the day? Cereal bars can work too, but many of them are just sugar. Or try making your own.

I hope you can reach your goal and feel better about yourself, remember today is the first day of the rest of your life, however cliché it may sound. Don't lose hope because it's never too late to get back in control

[ashling]

Sory to hear ur feeling dwn..
*Big hug*

I defo tink ya shud start off wit maybe with just trying to stop the purging for a few days before ya try to go to realy restristiong...
I do it regularly and knw what ur on bt chest pains..
At the moment my chest is fucked and cnt shift a bad cough i have had since xmas...
And seing as ur wrking ya shud up ur calorie intake a bit..
Then when they weight loss slows down ya wil be able to lower it and continue lsoing weight..

Gud luck hun....x