My private journey.

[itsjustme]

Feb. 26th: So I couldn't help it. I hopped on the scale first thing this morning. First weight it said was 177.2. I was so shocked. I hopped on it again and it said 177.4. I hopped on it 3 additonal times and it said 177.4. So, I'm gonna go with that weight. Now my mind is playing tricks on me. Did it really say 177.4 or was it 178 something. Now I'm having to think back really really hard. I know it was 177.4 why am I second guessing myself. I don't know. I guess it's because that's pretty good for me considering I haven't exercised. When I woke up this morning I felt empty as if I hadn't had anything to eat. Didn't feel full. That's a pretty good feeling. I brought some crackers to work. I shouldn't have, but did at the last minute. I was in a hurry and didn't want to leave with nothing. I also picked up a yogurt. I'll go with the yogurt first. I have a hot chocolate too. I also have a few pieces of hard candy. Gonna try and stay away from that unleas my mouth gets really dry which I'm sure it will. I know that after the first few days the weight is not gonna continue to drop like this. That is when it gets really frustrating. That's when I need to really stay off the scale and up the exercise. I still can't wait to be approved at the gym. I'm ready to get started. I wish I could get up super early in the morning and workout but I don't guess that's possible for me since my child is home. Can't just leave her in bed. Would be nice to just get exercising out of the way first thing in the morning.

It's 9am and I just got done eating just half of a 4oz yoplait 99% fat free yogurt. The whole thing is 110 calories so I decided to eat half now and the other half in a couple of hours. I soo wanted to eat the whole thing. I think I'm gonna do like I saw on tv. The one lady boiled a whole lot of eggs and kept them in the fridge. I could probably live on eggs. I need to be sure to just eat the whites though, they're only like 17 calories or so. I think I need to go buy more eggs today. Ha. Anyhow..I am still thinking about that yogurt that I want to eat right now. Still got like an hour or so to go before I can eat it though. I feel sleepy. Watching these movies in this class are making me sooo sleepy. Lights off and stuff. Anyhow...guess I'll go for now.


It's 11am and I'm now drinking a diet dr. pepper. I went to the machine and got it. I still haven't finished the rest of my yogurt. Not sure if I will or not. I may eat a cracker instead. I don't know. I need some protein or something that burns easily, so I'm a little hesitant about finishing my yogurt. Don't know why I hadn't really thought of getting some diet drinks to drink until today when I went to the machine. Maybe it'll help me lay off the hot chocolate. I don't know. Didn't realize there were so many calories in the hot chocolate. Usually when I drink liquids I don't really care much about the calories, just in the food that I eat. Guess I need to change that. Calories are calories I guess. I don't really feel hungry I don't guess all that much, but I could eat something. But I'm not starving. I think this drink will make me feel better. Anyhow, just wanted to check in right quick. I'll check back later.


OMG I just passed up some soup. A student was coming around to different classrooms giving out potato soup. I nicely said no. She even asked was I sure, I said yeah, I'm watching my weight. She said it's just soup. I still said no. I'm sooo proud of myself. I didn't need that to ruin my day, then mess up my calorie count and all of that for the day. So yay me.


Oh yeah..another thing. Everywhere I check for BMI, when I type in my height and weight I am in the overweight range. I soooooooooo can't believe that. That is horrible.

[itsjustme]

Feb. 26th continued: I couldn't get last nights entry to save, guess I wrote too much. Gonna make it short now. I ate the rest of my little thing of yogurt in the car at like 430. I drank about 8 oz of milk at my folks at about 4. I ate a can of tuna, tomato, onion, lettuce, 2 egg whites at about 5ish. I was out and about til like 9ish tonight..at walmart. I ate a blueberry special k bar cause I was hungry. That's about it. Can't believe I didn't drink my hot chocolate today. Oh well. Oh..I drank a good amount of water while eating my tuna. Ran to the restroom twice just a few minutes apart. Ok..that's it for Tues, the 26th. I ended up eating some cheeze its in bed tonight..and a blueberry special k. I was just really hungry. Prob 200 cals in the crackers. 90 calories in the bar.
Feb. 27th: Today is Wed. day 4. I was not gonna get on the scale this morning but couldn't help it. I weigh 176.4. I was thinking I'd prob be up cause of the late night eating and time of month, but it didn't affect me. That's good. Maybe I really should stay off the scale for a while. Hard though. I havent had anything to eat yet. Fixing to when this period is over. Didn't have time to make anything, just brought 2 special k bars. I might just eat half of it, not sure. I feel kinda hungry or maybe just thirsty. Ok..gotta go.
I ate a special k bar at 940 then at 1215. It's now 237 and I'm hungry again. I don't have anything else to snack on except some crumbled up crackers and the rest of this dt. coke that I'm drinking. Schools almost out though. I guess I'll be fine. I was just thinking of eating like 800 cals max a day, but I'm reading that even under 1000 is too few, even more like 1200 is more like it. I don't know, I'm gonna read up on it some more. I just want to keep my metabo going you know.
I ate a whole cucumber when I got home. Also nibbled on some kraut. Dinner was can of tuna w/4 egg whites a lil ff mayo, and ff sour cream, just for a diff flavor. I ate 1 serving of cheez its at 150 cals, and choc spec k bar. I drank a half gallon of water while during and after dinner. I peed like mad. I did taebo cardio dvd. It was pretty good. Did 100 crunches afterwards. Pretty good day. About 700 cals total. Nite.

[itsjustme]

Feb. 28th: I got on the scale of course, weighed 177.0. That's not the # I wanted to see of course. I got on there like 4 times in a row, still the same. After about 20 min. getting dressed and all, I weighed again, I was 176.6. But I'm still gonna just go with 177 I guess. I tried to look on the brightside, I'm not 182.8 anymore and my first full week isn't over yet, and I have been eating food, not starving. So, that's the bright side. I ate a special k bar this morning in the car at like 730. I haven't had a break yet so haven't eaten again. It's 1021 now and I'm wanting a snack. It's been almost 3 hours. So my tummy is calling out to me. I did a neat thing last night. I got ziplock bags and made 4 diff snacks. I had cereal, cucumbers, cheese crackers, and turkey meat. On the outside I wrote how many calories is in each bag. That way I can easily just grab it and go and its really easy to add up my calories for the day. I'm thinking I'll just eat the bag and refill it when I get home. I also wrote in little writing how much is in the bag. I pretty much stuck to a serving of each. I hope that works out pretty good, seems like it probably will. I also boiled a dozen eggs last night. I think that'll work great not having to boil a couple at a time. And low and behold just because they were there I hsd to share 4 of them right away. Ha. It was cool though. I've pretty much been eating tuna for dinner the last few days. Not really tired of it yet I don't guess. I might try a chicken breast tonight.
Total today I ate all the above snacks, my dinner was tuna w/eggs/onions, ate another bar, 100 cal pack sour cream & onion crackers. Seems like I ate a lot today. I hate fooling around w/adding food entries. My cals were like at 900 today. Feels like I ate soo much just writing it down. I gota finish my water tonight..half gallon here I come. No exercises yet.

[itsjustme]

Feb. 29th: Last night I stayed up late on the computer trying to get some stuff done. I was starving, I guess cause I need food every couple hours or so. I should have went to bed but had to finish what I was doing. I ate 2 egg whites, but that didn't do the trick. I ended up getting the box of cereal and just eating out the box. I didn't bother counting calories, I just nibbled and nibbled. I was eating handfuls at a time, at times. It was honey bunches of oats w/strawberries. I managed to drink my half gallon of water, which is good. I didn't get on the scale this morning, thought I might be disappointed. I had a special k bar at like 900. I'm gonna have to eat in the cafeteria today. Prob just a salad and fruit. Ok..gotta go. *I ate a salad in the cafeteria. Didn't feel it up huge either. I put a lil cheese, a lil meat on it. On the side I had cucumber slices, about 6, 5 baby carrots maybe, and maybe 3 brocoli bunches or whatever you call them. I had an apple on the side, but didn't eat it. I'll prob take it home with me. It's 1225 now. I drank water with my lunch, no tea. Their tea is so yummy too. My lunch wasn't filling at all, I can tell I ate a salad. Ha. Ok..that's it for now. Might have had 300 cals so far, hard to get it just right now really knowing the exact amounts. But my salad was small, and the meat, not much on it at all, nor cheese. I ate cereal w/milk as my dinner. I ate 100 cal pack crackers in the car and cereal w/milk was my dinner. I had 2 egg whites later on. Cals were a little under 800 today. No exercise. Didn't do my half gallon water...Grr.

[itsjustme]

March 1st: Woke up this morning very well rested. I got some awesome sleep last night, much needed sleep. Said I was gonna wait and weigh in on my official one week, well, couldn't wait. I weigh 176.6 this morning. I'm feeling thirsty this morning. I guess that's a good thing. I ought to be able to get my 1/2 gallon done today which is 128 oz. I'm not at work, it's Sat. So going to the restroom a bunch of times isn' a problem. Tomorrow will be my one week weigh in. I wish I could have waited and not weighed all week but oh well. I feel like I can see a lil difference, but that could just be the mirror tricking me. In my stomach I see a lil line like I've been doing crunches. Hey, I need to do some crunches right now. Good idea. Ha. I gotta get some laundry done today..bad. Super bad!! Ok..guess I'll go for now. Bye. Here's everything I ate today 2 special k bars, can of soup 180 cals, 2 granola bar 100 cals each, chewy string snack 60 cals, 4 egg whites w/ff mayo & celery, 100 cal popcorn, for a total of 810 cals. I drank about half of my 1/2 gallon, so about 64 oz of water. Should have drank more I know. I believe I did 100 crunches this morning.

[itsjustme]

Up to date right here: March 2nd: Today is officially the end of week 1. I started a week ago today. Well, I hopped on the scale of course first thing. I wish I would stop that. I weigh 176.4. So in 1 week my total weigh loss is 6.4 lbs. That's great, a good jump start. I so just wish the pounds would continue to melt off like this, but I know they won't. I soo need to start exercising a bunch bunch bunch. Oh..the good thing about this week is that I still lost and it was my time of the month all week. So..that's good to know. I am so ready to get out of the 70's. Can't wait.

[itsjustme]

I didn't exercise today..and it was so pretty outside. I suck. I ended up staying inside watching a movie with family. That was fun though. But man, today I should have went for a walk or something. That sucks bigtime. Anyhow..here's what I ate today. 100 cal cheese nips, sugar free jello cup w/whipped cream on top: 40 cals, 100 cal popcorn, chocolate special k bar: 90 cals, apple sauce: 50 cals. My total cals for today: 390. I think it's going to be cold tomorrow. I think. I gotta do 100 crunches before bed. My journal has no structure to it, just rambling in case you're wondering. This is the start of a new week. I hope I can lose 4 lbs this week. My goal weight for weigh in on March 9th is 172.4. I'm going to try and exercise some this week and stay off the freakin scale for a whole week. Hopefully I can. I doubt I can the scale thing, oh well. That's it for now.

[itsjustme]

I just got to thinking...I have a long way to go. Grrr! I already knew that..but it just popped up in my head just now. That just sucks.

[itsjustme]

Today I didn't work, didn't exercise either. I did 100 crunches this morning. Here's everything I ate today. It's now 930pm. 4 egg whites w/ff mayo & ff sour cream. Was just trying something out w/the sour cream, just for a different flavor, 100 cal pack cheese nips, 100 cal pack popcorn, 100 cal pack sour cream & onion crackers..I love those. 2 jello cups w/whipped cream on top. The whipped cream adds a lot of flavor to it, so I don't mind the extra calories. That's a total of 500 cals for the day. The 100 cal packs are so easy to just grab and eat. And I'm not that tempted to go and open another pack. If I had a big box of them, I'd more than likely eat the whole box at one freakin time. I took pics yesterday, my 1 week mark. I really can't see a difference yet. Hopefully my next Sunday pics, I will be able to. I hope to be 172.4, that's 4 pounds lost for the week. I still look like a fatty. I have a long way to go. Grr.

[max]

Hey sounds like youre doing well It's never easy at first- its all about establishing habits, and replacing bad ones. Don't get discouraged.... a lot of times its a rollercoaster weightloss wise... you go up, down , up down... but if you stick to it.. it'll favor down in the long run. I used to be able to drop 7lbs in a week and then... with the same eating habits only maintain for the next week. It's unpredictable sometimes... but if it doesnt go the way u wanted for one day... dont give up, the next will ALWAYS be better

[itsjustme]

Max....thank you sooo much for the support. I really need to hear things like that from time to time to get me going/keep me going.

Well today so far I've only had a cup of milk to drink. I actually love milk. I could drink it all day. I sweetened it with splenda and added a lil vanilla flavoring to it, just for something sweet. I haven't eaten anything yet, but I think I will in just a minute. I've been slacking with water. Gonna try and drink a half gallon today. Gosh..it's sooo hard. I haven't done a lick of exercising. It's 1251pm. I'll probably get down here and do 100 crunches right quick, then find something to eat. Oh, I don't know if I've mentioned this yet or not, but I took pics when I started Feb. 24th, and pics at my 1 week mark. I'll continue to do pics each week. And when I say pics, I mean, down to my bra and thongs. Ha. The other set was me in a sports bra and workout shorts. I got the front view, side views, back view. It's still disgusting looking. Hopefully I can tell a difference in my 2 week pics which is coming up March 9th. I'm going out of town this weekend. I soooo hope I can keep it together while gone. I'll be so messed up if I don't. I'm gonna take so many snacks with me, it's gonna be pitiful. Gotta stock up on 100 cal packs. By not eating out, I'll save money, I'll think of it that way. It's always so fun to eat out when you're out of town, a new place. I'm gonna have to NOT do that. Well, I guess that's all I have to share right now. I'll check back in a little.

[itsjustme]

Goal end of this week, 172.4. Goal end of this week 172.4. Goal end of this week 172.4. Blah blah blah. Just gotta keep telling myself. That's 4 pounds, 4 pounds, 4 pounds. End of week 2, hurry up please. Sunday March 9th, where are you? 172.4 is still way fat...182.8 is fatter. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. I weighed 182.8 Feb. 24th, I shouldn't be complaining, I'm making progress. I don't wanna go back there..ever. 172.4..hurry up please.

[itsjustme]

I have drank my half gallon of water for the day!! Yay me!!! Glad I got that out the way. It was tough. I know I drank it too fast, but I had to get it down. I ate some vegetable stir fry. I ate 2 cups, only 50 cals total. It was was pretty good too. Cooked it in no cal, no fat spray. That's it for now.

[itsjustme]

I had a 100 cal bag of popcorn, peanut butter & choc. chip granola bar. Not 2 granola bars, it's 1 bar, contains both. It was yummy, had 90 cals in it. Also had a cup of trix cereal. I didn't eat it with milk. I've had 450 cals so far. I don't know if I even want to add in the milk that I drank earlier today. It's good for me. It was ff skim milk. If I take out the milk, I've had 360 cals today. It's 805 pm. I don't know if I'll have anything else tonight or not. Oh...good news, my approval form for the gym arrived today. I'm going to join tomorrow. Part of me was oh so excited when I got it in the mail, then another part of me was thinking, now I don't have an excuse for not exercising. So..I'm excited, but I'm not. It's gonna be hard work. I'm gonna try and go 3x a week for at least an hour. I should be able to do that with no problems. The gym is not my best friend, not until I really just get in the groove of things. I'm gonna have to increase my calories some though, so that I can burn it off at the gym. I'm gonna need the energy and all. I don't know how much I'll increase. I'm still using the restroom like crazy. I think this is like the 3rd day, not in a row though, that I have drank a half gallon of water. After a while, the trips to the restroom will stop I'm sure. What am I going to do at the gym? I know I'm getting on the treadmill. Just gonna walk, might do an occasional jog here and there. I don't wanna just wear myself out and end up not wanting to go back. That would suck. But I wanna work hard enough to where I know I'm there for a reason, and not just to play around, if that makes any sense. I'll figure something out tonight I'm sure.

[itsjustme]

I had 2 cups of vegetable stir fry, well actually it's asparagus stirfry. Don't know why they call it that, it's just a bunch of veggies. Anyhow..only has 50 cals. It tastes pretty darn good too. I'm gonna have to buy more of that to eat. For a treat, I squirted whipped cream in my mouth 2 times, so I'm guessing 40-50 cals. I don't know, just guessing. Just needed the taste of something sweet in my mouth. So in total I've had 550 cals. If I subtract the milk..ha..that's a total of 460 cals. Ok ok, I know..calories are calories. I'm a weirdo I know. Ha. Anyhow..pretty good day I guess. Dang, I want some more veggies, they're good. I gotta buy me some more cooking spray, I done ran out. Usually with stir fry you need a little chicken or something to add to it. Well, I don't need anything with it. Gotta go get some more..fast. Hope I don't get tired of it quick.