Kingston Town

[Kingston100]

[LilyLily]

Maybe having your room mates aware of your exercising is the added motivation you need? My upstairs neighbor exercises all the time on his treadmill but it doesn't phase me. Hopefully he's getting a good workout!

Reading through your journal, I see that we have a similar experience, which I've just posted in my journal if your interested. It was a bit embarassing for me to get it all out but I've realized from reading so much here that everyone is here to support one another and maybe this is just the forum I need to feel better.

Lily

[Kingston100]

14 hours into a fast and feeling great!

[Kingston100]

16 hours now. My roommates are back and I haven't done any yoga yet today.... I will probably do an hour later tonight... but no skipping becuase I don't want to keep them up. We are all going to watch Desperate Housewives together tonight and I know they are going to have all of their junk food out. I watched them unpack cheeto's and things today... it was kind of gross.

I know this sounds terrible, but one of my roommates has kind of put on weight this year and I sort of enjoy that. I am a horrible person for feeling this.. but it just makes me feel better about myself.... you know... knowing that she can't sit around all day eating shit and stay as small as she was.

Anyway.... I haven't really been hungry today.... I guess I've learned my lesson when it comes to fasting now. Before I used to binge right up until the moment the fast started... but I've been cutting out all week.

Though yesterday I had some vegi stir fry, two peices of peanut butter toast, a gingerbread man and some mini chocolates....all after 8pm... but whatever... I'm over it.

I am not weighing myself until it is completely neccessary. I will do my laundry late this week I think... that is when I will weigh myself.

-Kingston

[Kingston100]

16 hours now.

Okay, I am well aware that I have updated like crazy today... and I will probably keep updating at some point tonight.

I've got the hunger pains right now and also a huge HUGE craving to go and weigh myself. But I just won't do it.

I want to do some of my yoga right now but my room is really cold... is that an excuse? Anyway, my room is cold and I don't want to take off my heavy sweater and stuff to do the yoga.

I am such a dork.

Maybe I can do it in socks, pajama pants, a tank top and mits?

I don't know why I am this way... but I am kind of avoiding doing it because I don't want my roommates to catch me. I'm afraid they will laugh at me.

Though one of my roommates dropped like 30 pounds this summer and claims that it's becuase she was sick and I totally do not buy it and am going to assume that she is on this forum as well lol.

Okay *slap across the face* Dammit, I am doing the stupid yoga so I can get it over with and then come on here later and announce that I did it.


-Kingston

[Kingston100]

22 hours and YES I did my yoga. I would also like to point out that this is my 50th entry! Hurray for me! I believe I am entitled to some sort of reward or prize... I'm much to lazy to get out the macaroni and glitter and much to fat to go for the ice cream....

Bottled water it is.

Did that sound bitter?

I will hit 126 before Febuary


-Kingston

[Kingston100]

I've been gone from this site for so long. After an awkward week and TWO breakups with my boyfriend I finally found myself in his arms crying and telling him about ana and all of the lies I had told him to cover it. I promised him I would get help... I made an appointment with a therapist and I wrote to alli_cat and told her we wouldn't be talking anymore.

I stood up the therapist... and after a week I have never felt so fat in my entire life. I want to go "get rid of it all" but my roommates will here so I am sitting in my room in an utter depression hating myself for what I have done.

Worst of all I was nowhere near my goal weight... far from it actually... I think if I even told people I was ana now they wouldn't believe me.

God, why did I do that? I love him.... but I don't want to recover and it is going to make it 10 times harder for me to try to get to 110 now then ever before.

I miss the emptiness. I will try more than in the past to feel the emptiness again.

-Kingston

[Kingston100]

I've developed a new amount of EXTREME guilt upon eating. This is something I have never felt before. It's always been like, I'll binge and then get upset but just tell myself "well, tomorrow another day". But lately I'll eat anything and hate myself for it and even start to cry... as I almost did yesterday in front of my boyfriend.

I haven't been on here very often in the last little while. But on Thursday I am starting my "healthy month long diet"... on my normal LJ... but on here I will write the truth.

I think I will fast and then socially I will only eat the health food I have informed everyone that I will be eating.... I'm also setting a rule that I cna't eat after 10pm... that'll be good.

If anyone is reading this... can someone talk me through how to put pictures on here?


-Kingston

[Kingston100]

So it has been a while since I have last updated. But I should let you know that I have a second lj on a reqular webpage which my friends check frequently and I have been there a lot lately as I have started "Operation: Hot Body"

I decided this was a good way to diet with everyone KNOWING that I am dieting and what I can and cannot eat.. and everyone expecting me to loose weight.

I made up rules like... no food after 10pm and no token junk food... which some of my friends have now taken to following as well.

What people don't know is that my "diet" has really helped me get back into restricting and so I am now normally under 600 cals a day, which is awesome. And it's not because I am not binging.. but I am just eating foods that are filling and have less calories... like grapes.

Anyway.. I'm enjoying it so far. I've lost about 5 pounds in a week.



-Kingston

[Kingston100]

I feel like I have disappeared off the face of the planet. I dunno.... I tried to go straight for the month of february and lost approximately 5 pounds. I suppose that is an accomplishment since with my fasts all I ever do is drop 10 pounds in a week and then gain 8 in a day, but fuck... I love the feeling and I completely miss it.

I hit 130 during the last week of February and loved it, but then allowed myself to indulge as a reward and am now (three weeks later) around 134ish.

I want to attempt to fast as much as humanly possible in the next 12 days or so and then when April starts I'll go straight edge again.

Fasting until Thursday (hopefully holding out till Friday... but Thursday is a better possibility) and then probably 600 cals most days after that. I suppose that isn't too TOO bad.

I am 22 minutes into this fast. Does it sound nuts to count the minutes? I want to be 120 pounds by May. I think that is TOTALLY accomplishable.


-Kingston


P.S. Ally_Cat, I don't know what happened to you. You stopped replying to my messages and it appears that you aren't on the forum anymore. If you do come back for whatever reason PLEASE let me know that you are okay.

[Kingston100]

Wow... so it's been a year essentially. More than a year since I successfully completed a fast.


The day before my 21st birthday in July I took a silent vow to stop weighing myself for at least 12 months. I figured it would be really good for me.

So with my final weigh in on July 28th, 2007 I was 143 pounds. Not sexy.


Here we are... 7 months later and I still haven't weighed myself. It's horrible because since I've started restricting again I can't tell if I've lost anything.


On top of that... having also decided it was best for me not to be on this website anymore I chose to write about my diet in a livejournal that all my friends read. I edited it slightly to look as though I was eating more. But recently I've started getting comments from people telling me that I'm becoming obsessive and that what I am doing is unhealthy.



Anyway... that has forced me to give up talking to them about it and pick up where I left off talking to you about it.


The fast starts now. I will go until Thursday with a break on Sunday. I am taking a day trip with some friends... and I can't get out of eating when I'm being monitored.


I have attempted to try a number of fasts since my last good on in November 2006. None have worked, I've always given in. I refuse to do so now.




I miss AllyKat




-Kingston

[Hollister76]

I just read your journal through, and had to comment.
Your writing style is mesmorizing, the way you create mental pictures with your words.

Anyway, have a great night, hon

[Kingston100]

Thanks so much!

I read it straight through every once and a while. It's weird to take it all in at once. I've actually copied and pasted it into a word document on my computer just in case for whatever reason this site goes down.



I may not write very often anymore, but it's glad to know that someones listening