This is the beginning

[optimistic20]

i've kind of starting smoking again. only because i bought some last friday and it was buy one get one free so i still have one whole pack and it's just something to do. so i've had two today. it's not like i'm going to keep buying them, i've never had an addiction to them, it's just something i've done socializing or for boredom.

anyway this is today:

half an apple: 40
gum: 7
chicken: 60
cabbage: 20
soy sauce: 10
total: 137, which leaves me 63 for today. i've obviously decided to go back down to 200, just because right now i'm capable of doing it. it's all about the numbers.

anyway, i'm about to go for a walk. we have this crazy long and high bridge in my city and to walk from my place, over it, and back is almost 7 miles, if i can do it. the only thing i'm worried about it getting bored by myself. i wonder how long it'll take me.

my scale was wrong this morning, i'm pretty sure i was actually 187, but i'm going to leave my ticker where it is as motivation.

goodbye for now. happy friday!

[Hollister76]

You're right, Fridays are amazing. No more schoolwork, it's the weekend!

Skinny love,
H76

[optimistic20]

hey there hollister 76. hoppe you're well.

fridays are amazing.

except for the fact that i drank: one glass of wine, two.five/three vanilla vodka diet cokes, one frozen margarita, one beer. i figure since my food intake was basically 200 that i should be okay, but who knows. i'm drunk right now, and it's hard for me to type, sorry.

i also ate some chips and guacamole and salsa. i was starving, and didn't event think about pulling out my half an apple in the restaurant/bar.

i'm sure i'm fine, i just weighed myself at 188 with pajamas on, so i'm pretty sure tomorrow will show a loss.

drunk/hungry/craving
so i guess i shoudl just give in and pass out.

talk to you tomorrow

optimistic

[optimistic20]

basically, saturday was a fun and relaxing day for me. i did however eat a turkey wrap that had cheese on it. i also ate one piece of sugary candy and then some peanut butter/buttersctoch concoction my roommate made. though i'm sure all of that is not like 2000 calories i'm still not happy with it. i have put back on a couple of pounds, but the good news is that i did not undo everything i did last week. i now know first hand how difficult it is to eat a reasonable meal but then go back to restricting in the same day. i did however buy a shirt in a smaller size yesterday, yay.

i'm back to restricting today. i think i'll bing it down to 400 calories today and then 200 tomorrow.

so far-
oatmeal: 100

[optimistic20]

crappers. not too happy about the number on the scale this morning. hopefully i'll 'go to the bathroom' sometimes today and get all that delicious food out of my system.

i'm fasting today, nothing but liquids. this will be the first time EVER that i've done this, so there's an element of apprehension. if anyone reads this, will it be successful if i drink various different liquids, like coffee with fat free creamer, and then a very low cal fruit juice drink, and lots of water?

[optimistic20]

well my one-day fast lasted up until thirty minutes ago. i've had some cucumber and hummus, carrot and fat free dip, and some turkey spaghetti sauce (none of it more than one serving, thank god) i feel awful. i wasn't even hungry, i was just bored and knew that i had not had breakfast or lunch and that a dinner wouldn't be bad. i'm in a weird mood, slight sadness and indifference, maybe that's a factor. ugh, whatever. i'd say i give up, but that's too easy. i'll try and make it through the rest of the night, and tomorrow will start again with restriction to something like 300/400.

[Mer]

OMG you're journal has been the best inspiration for me! I just love love love it, and i love how you have had such a control with yourself I've always been coming here to check if you have written anything else. You might say i'm almost addicted with your writing

Anyway, just dropped to share this and wishing all the best with your journey to be thinner! Much support

[Mer]

OMG you're journal has been the best inspiration for me! I just love love love it, and i love how you have had such a control with yourself I've always been coming here to check if you have written anything else. You might say i'm almost addicted with your writing

Anyway, just dropped to share this and wishing all the best with your journey to be thinner! Much support

[optimistic20]

[optimistic20]

starting master cleanse tomorrow. my mom is freaking out about it, and i lied to her and told her i'll only do it for a day or two. i hope she doesn't catch on. i want to do it for the full ten days because i want the results and i don't want to waste the money i just spent. so i'm eating a sandwich and a cheesey snack cracker mix as my last supper. i also devoured three valentine's chocolates earlier. eegh. this laxative tea is going to kill me tomorrow morning.

encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
happy valentine's eve.

[optimistic20]

Master Cleanse: Day 1

No problems just yet. The salt water was almost unbearable this morning, but i got through it, and it's still getting through me. i'm only on my first lemonade drink, i think it's the maple syrup flavor that i'm not crazy about. no hunger pains yet.

so far, so good.

will update later tonight.

[optimistic20]

okay, so this just got hard. i don't like the drink and i've only had three, basically. i'm supposed to have 6-12. i don't want to quit after one day, but it's so hard right now. i have a test tomorrow and i just want to cook and eat a good meal. ugh. i guess i just need to drink a lot of this shit, and buckle down and study, otherwise i'll be stressed beyond belief. i think i'm going through caffeine withdrawal, so my head is killing me, and i'm exhausted. i don't know if i'll be able to do the salt flush tomorrow morning because i have class at 9. i'd have to dirnk it at like 630 to allow myself enough time in the bathroom. anyway, i feel l ike SHIT!

[optimistic20]

call me weak, cat me a quitter, whatever.
long story short, killer headache, awful nausea, thinking about drinking the drink made me want to vomit, so i quit the master cleanse. it simply wasn't conducive to my situation at the moment.
thanks to feeling sick i didn't get much studying in for my test this morning. that fucking sucks more than quitting the cleanse.

going to start eating super healthy again. and that's that.

happy freaking friday.

[constance]

Optimistic....when I saw you were going to start the master cleanse I thought to caution you against it, but you were so excited about it I did not want to discourage you. However, now that you are not doing it, I will speak up! lol Considering you and I have been in the same place, you can take my advice or not, it is up to you. If you concentrate on keeping your calories under 1000 faithfully or around 500/750 if 1000 is too high for you...whatever you decide plus exercise daily....the pounds will continue to drop off of you. Take a look at my journal from the beginning last year and that is all I did. It was not overly difficult, because I was motivated...and it wasn't anything too nuts like that cleanse that many say isn't worth the effort.

Eat less & exercise more and drink loads of water....that is what it is all about. Once you get down into the normal range of bmi it does get more difficult, but for now...the encouragement of seeing those pounds drop off really fuel the fire to keep you going.

You can do it!!!

constance

[optimistic20]

thanks for the encouragement constance. i greatly appreciate it.

though i just ate way too many pieces of candy, thanks to my roommate, i am now going to focus on getting in a balance of healthy food, while at the same time keeping the calories down.

not too mad at myself right now, i'm so happy it's friday and it has me in such a good mood.