threadbare

[hiller]

i'm back yet again. i thought this time i'd try to start a journal. i write poems and stuff, so maybe i'll post that stuff here, just because a lot of it has to do with ed issues.
basically i'm back because i hate myself a little more with each passing day when i'm eating 'normally'. i don't want to hate myself and my body any more. i need the support of people who truly understand where i'm coming from. its an addiction, and while its sad its the only way i can feel fulfilled and in control is to watch everything that enters (or doesn't) my body, and to exercise and to be in command of my body. and on this site, there are tools and people who help me achieve this in the safest way possible. safe in that i have support. even though some habits may be unhealthy, they make me happy.
maybe i'm crazy. but this makes me feel less crazy.

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threadbare
falling back into old habits
it always feels like the right direction
like an old t-shirt
comfortable
that one in the corner of your drawer
you pretend to abandon it
but you can never bring yourself to get rid of it
so you put it on again
and you become
perfectly threadbare
showing your bones