This is the beginning

[optimistic20]

despite the fact that i had 4 or 5 heavy dark beers last night as well as one more cheese stick and a handful of potato chips, I LOST 1.5 LBS!!! i'm so pumped. this is wonderful.

[optimistic20]

not surprisingly i woke up 2.5 lbs heavier. i had a bit of couscous yesterday, which probably shocked my body. anyway last time i got off the 4-day thing i put on 2.5 lbs, but quickly started losing again. today i've had some coffee and a cheese stick. i plan on going for a long walk around the city and i already made my lunch, mixed greens with celery and steamed broccoli. i made my own dressing, red wine vinegar, deli mustard and a bit of olive oil. i'm going to get back to drinking tons of water, and barely, if any, sodas. i think that will put me back on track. anyway, i'm off.

[optimistic20]

eegh, i've been away from here for a few too many days. I couldn't bare the thought of coming on here after i've been breaking my diet, i have felt so guilty. i don't want to go into every detail but, i was back to like 193 this morning. i have to either get my portions of brown rice and other healthy carbs down or start not eating them anymore. i need to get into the habit of going to the gym everyday. took a tiny break, but i'm back.

[optimistic20]

so i think i'm back on track, starting with today. for lunch i had an egg white frittata thing on lettuce. got some protein and greens. i plan on going to the gym tonight so that's good. i'm going to stop fooling around and do it! i'd ask for luck, but it's not about luck anymore it's about my willpower.

[mia_me]

ooh that sounds like a delicious lunch ^^

don't get discouraged because you blew your diet hun, get back on track quickly and you'll be losing weight again in no time!

oh and about the gym, the hardest thing is actually getting up and going to the gym. i can't give you any tips, but just force yourself to go, and think about how good and energized you'll feel after going.

good luck hun x

[optimistic20]

so i've been away from here for a bit. it probably hasn't been a good thing. i've been eating, not really huge amounts, but more than is viable for a successful weight loss. the recent realizations of how many days i've wasted has really got me down. but i know i can still lose some weight before my big days that are coming.

this sounds really weird but i've recently started to listen to music a lot like i used to in the past (the tv has been distracting me) but that triggered my long and strong obsession with jared followill of the kings of leon. it's odd but he makes me not want to eat, or if i do, purge. god that sounds so sick and disturbing, but i know y'all wont judge. i've missed two opportunites to see them live in the last year, once due to lack of a travel buddy and the second because of school. anyway, whenever they do come back near me i want to look fab. and i'll keep lying to myself that jared will like me. lol ugh i sound like i'm 14.

so far today i've had one banana, baby carrots with dip and some pecans and almonds. i tried to throw up the carrots and nuts but only managed to get some of the nuts. i plan on going to the gym, and i desperately need to. i HAVE to. i WILL.

I shouldn't eat anymore today. And i'll take some laxative this afternoon. i hope i getback on track and rediscover my strong willpower.

(i'm back up to around 193/194, but chaning my ticker is too upsetting so it'll stay there as a reminder of what i can achieve)

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!

[optimistic20]

I'm posting some pictures of me here as motivation. it's really hard to post full body pics but it's all in the name of weight loss.
I think the little weight loss i've had is noticeable, but you do have to take into account the angles, the hairstyles, and clothing.
Here we go...

August 2007 (probably 210 or so)


October 2007 (vacation in connecticut, blew up to about 213 or so)


November 2007 (after a week of thanksgiving food, around 210 again probably)


Today, January 30, 2008 (about 194)

slight collar bones


half body


small and dirty (sorry) mirror


emphasis on my thighs


Side view


this makes me not want to go to class today, but i just have to look towards tomorrow when i'll most likely be a pound lighter.

[constance]

I want to encourage you.....fabulous of you to post pics.
You are a beautiful girl and I am excited for you because you are getting started on a great journey of getting yourself to a healthy weight.

You can do it!!!!

constance

[optimistic20]

despite my serving of oatmeal and one banana at breakfast, and a teeny portion of leftover chicken, rice, cabbage stirfry at lunch, i am feeling hunger pains right now. and i coudn't be happier. i don't have the urge to fill my stomach; i am feeling empowered by the hunger. i sure hope this strength continues throughout the day.

[Hopelessly]

I have to say you're face is sooooooooooooooo pretty and you are actually totally in proprtion. i bet if you lose a bit you will be totally hot!

Oooh love the Kings of Leon too, seen them a few times in concert and it's always so much fun!

[optimistic20]

just had dinner, which was my new creation of a sort of egg white fritatta pizza. sounds weird but i like it. egg whites, homeade salsa and reduced fat cheese (looks like a pizza, hence the name). i think my caloric intake today was around 700. not too great, but not terrible. i'm now going to go lay in my bed and watch the superbowl.

[optimistic20]

it's 11 oclock and i've already had 300 calories. (oatmeal with banana, a splash of fat free creamer in my coffee, and half an apple)

i think i'll be able to keep it to around 600 today. that's pretty good right? i feel like i need to eat only 200 calories a day to lose weight, but i should just give this amount a bit of time to see how it works.

i've got a bunch of work that's due tomorrow (thanks procrastination) so i'll won't be able to go to the gym, but i might do a few things in my room during breaks).

i feel absolutely exhausted and i don't know why, i've had three cups of coffee, a good breakfast and am having green tea right now. i wonder if 'it's sleep or dietary related. shit i might have to add a protein to a meal today, add another 60 calories to daily intake.

happy monday everyone!

[optimistic20]

i think i might give up the laxatives. everytime i take them i am plagued by serious cramps and discomfort. plus it makes me really self conscious, since i live in a small college apartment with two roommates and running to the bathroom every five minutes is a bit suspicious. i think i'd rather carefully purge my meals than deal with this shit (pun not intended).

i hope my day long headache and lack of energy is food related and not signs of the flu.

i really want to get alli (a food and drug administration approved over the counter weight loss aid, for those that don't know) but my mom will only pay for it if i get a physical, and i hate going to the doctor.

oh oh get this, i haven't told anyone this. so i'm supposed to be going to italy in june and my mom told me that if i didn't lose weight she would send me to a university program for weight loss instead. doesn't that just suck so much. now if i do lose the weight it will look like it was because of her and not because I wanted to do it. and we all know it was because I wanted to.

[constance]

[optimistic20]

my procrastination has attacked me already this school semester. i think the stress shut my system down yesterday, i felt like absolute crap.

this morning i was back at 191, and that makes me happy, but also mad at myself for not losing anything for so long. my plan today is to try to eat a little something every couple of hours or so (though that might be hard because of classes).

anyway my cal goal for today will be 400. and i'm going to stick to it!!

i guess i should get to that paper that's due today. have a stupendous tuesday everyone!