I can do it!

[hoping29]

This is my first journal post and I'm kind of excited about it. I feel that if I can post all of my thoughts/stats/goals etc. on here, it will really help me in getting to where I want to be (plus theres also the fact that my parents cant find it, unlike a written a diary!)
My current weight is 121lbs, and I'm hoping to lose at least 7lbs by christmas and with the support that is given on here, I think I can achieve that.

So far today, I've had:
chewee cereal bar = 94 cals
small childs pizza (I had to eat infront of the parents!) = 400 cals
3 cups of tea = 6 cals
2 glasses of water = 0 cals
Total = 500 cals

x.

[hoping29]

So today was quite good really, in terms of food wise, it was just the other shit that was bad! Why do people feel the need to comment all the time on what you eat! Does it affect them in anyway?! No! We also had an interview at college today to discuss our target grades for our january exams and I was told that I had to get an A in all of my subjects now because I'm only doing three! Talk about adding more pressure.

Calorie count for the day
8 hotdogs = 230
chewee bar = 94
2 cups of tea = 4
slice of bread = 101

TOTAL = 429 cals!

[hoping29]

Today was good. I was at the dentist getting my brace tightened and he said that the next time I go I can probably get it off! Whoop whoop I cant wait! Also, I can use that its just been tightened as a reason for lack of food because of the pain! Also, when I weighed myself this morning I'd lost 2lbs!!

Calorie Count:
2 rice cakes = 62
3 cups of tea = 6
small packet of chips = 163
3 grilled sausages = 144

Total: 375!!

[hoping29]

Today was shit! I had 3 1/2 hours free time at college where I had to sit and get taunted by the vending machine and snack bar! It was horrible!
Then when I got home, my dad decided that we were all sitting together as a family to eat tea so there was no way I could get away with hidding and not eating food! I feel so disgusting! I'm dreading totalling up my calories for the day.....

Calorie Count:
2 rice cakes = 62
2 slices of bread = 190
2 chicken burgers = 260
chips = 163
2 cups of tea = 4
Total = 679!
Eurgh how utterly sick!!!!!!!! Borkkkkkkk!
Tomorrow I'm definitely going to try and get out of eating dinner at all!
x.

[hoping29]

Today wasnt too good to be honest. Pretty much all of my friends know about my lack of food and are constantly saying stuff. The thing is, my friend that is on the same 'healthy eating' (I know its not actually healthy but that I what I've told people) plan as me and they arent saying anything to her, only me!
They're also trying to compare the situation to the storyline from Hollyoaks saying that I'm like Melissa (the one introduced Hannah to ana) and my friend is like Hannah. Its making me feel proper guilty because I dont want my friend to get in the same shit that I am, but in my defence, I'm not making her do anything, it is actually her choice! Arghhh! Its getting me stressed!!!

Calorie Count:
1/2 a chewee bar = 47
2 rice cakes = 62
2 cups of tea = 4
4 sausages = 175
Total = 288

[sailorv]

I think that's ridiculous, there's no way you are like Melissa! Your friend is losing the HEALTHY way, and it was her own independant decision! Gosh, some people...
Ok, sorry for the rant, this was supposed to be a supportive post! Your intake was great for today, well done!
Good luck

[hoping29]

I know I'm not like her! But although my friend was trying to loose weight healthy, I'm beginning to think that she maybe ana aswell cause she's suggested doing things like the 2468 diet and getting out of eating with her parents and stuff like that. She's also calorie counting like me. i'm worried that I may have gotten her into this but I dont wanna ask her if she's ana incase she isnt cause then she'll know that I am. I'm in abit of a dilema here! Nightmareeeee!
And for the past 3 days my calorie intake has been disgusting! Tomorrow I'm starting the 2468 and I WILL stick to it.
I will be thin...
x.

[hoping29]

Eurghhh my fast went terrible. I ended up having my tea and then binged afterwards!!
I feel so shit!
Today I'm going to restrict as much as I can but lately I'm finding it really difficult and I don't know why!!
Also, the friend that I was worried is making me feel quite anxious. I do think that she could possibly be ana cause when we talk, she says things like restricting and fasting and I've never heard anyone other than someone who is ana suggest things like that to loose weight. Sorry if that doesnt make any sense but I understand what I mean lol
Anyway, no weight loss but no weight gain so things arent too bad considering....
x.

[hoping29]

So today was pretty shit really. Everything seemed to really get to me and I dont know why and it was really stupid stuff aswell, like when my friend said 'shut up' to me because I was talking about shit, I took it really offensively when I knew that she was joking and didnt mean anything by it Does anyone else find that they are like this? Also, I'm sick to death of people commenting on how I don't eat anything at college. Why?! Why do they need to comment every day! You'd think they'd get sick of it but no, these like to go on all the fucking time!! (sorry about the swearing, it just stresses me out !)
Anyway...
Calorie Count:
chips = 163
4 sausages = 175
3 yorkshire puddings = 135
Milky bar chew = 116
2 cups of tea = 4
TOTAL = 593

[sailorv]

Getting really stressed when restricting is normal. I turn really anti-social, or into a prize bitch, or both when I restrict.
I can sympathize with the food thing-my friends actually found out, and so they don't bother me any more. But before, hell. Comes with the ED, sadly
Good luck, your intake today is pretty good

[hoping29]

Oh I'm glad I'm not the only one that stresses over silly things!
Ohhh godd! I've got 2 exams today and I'm really going to fail
Shitttttt!
x.

[sailorv]

Good luck, and remember this-I went into a spanish exam on monday thinking I would fail-I came out with a definite A, a possible A* (A+ in America I think) so good luck, although I don't think you need it

[nickytml]

dont stress yourself out too much about people saying stuff to u - they are going to be the fat ones! haha

good luck on your exams today - ive got one tomorow and one more monday so i know the stress your under. but soon we'll be done

[hoping29]

Thanks for encouragement guys.
It makes me feel so much better to know that I can come on here and just pour my heart out and say whatever I want and no-one judges you for it
I cant wait til these exams are over. This week and next are only mocks but I've got my modules in january so thats going to be tough, A-levels are apparently alot harder than GCSEs

Its actually all of the bigger people out my group of friends that are saying stuff all the time and I just think 'just because I have more self control than you do' and things like that. When I look at them eating, it makes me not want to eat and even though they are my friends, I cant help it.
x.

[nickytml]

im sure they are just totally jealous of u!! u being 121 im jealous of u too! have u weighed urself since u were 121? i know its been quite a few days.. just wondering thats all