Recovering around bf, depressed when alone

[Fire]

I don't know exactly what "recovery" is... but if it's having fewer issues with food and being happy in your own skin, my boyfriend does that for me. Maybe it's not recovery, exactly, just an open door. I now have a real personal reason, albeit small, to consider staying just barely underweight instead of continuing to lose. (If I didn't have him, I'd want to drop 2 more kgs; I currently weigh a kg more than my non-ED sister who's my height.)

Unfortunately, he lives an hour away (50 minutes if he drives) and we're both working hard at school. So I only get to see him two or three times a month. If he were living in this city, I'd go into full-fledged recovery. Two days ago he lifted me on his shoulders and had me pick a pear that was too high for him, and ate it with me. With as much romance surrounding something so simple, how could I help but feel wonderful? Without prompting, he told me that my thighs were exactly perfect, and my thighs are my above-all biggest problem with my body. He said that I am exactly his ideal, and in a way that I really believed him.

When he's gone, though, I struggle with deep depression and loneliness, and then I try to get rid of the depression, which of course I can't, and that makes me feel out of control, and I start taking control of anything I can, including food.

If--big if--I wanted to continue recovering when I wasn't around him, how would I get past the depression (no suggestions of counselors or meds) long enough to eat maybe one extra small thing a day?

[Digi_Ab]

My bf was the begining of my recovery. I jsut felt happy enough around him to eat, but I didn't want to become reliable on him. He has now gone to Uni and it seems as though I have trouble getting hold of him when I really ened him now

Before he left though I made the effort to do things I could still do, and enjoy, without him. Like seeing my friends, taking up hobbies etc. Now I make sure I make the effort to keep myself busy to stop me dwelling on things too much.