Pix's journal

[pix]

I went to go and give blood today and I was told I couldn't because my iron levels are too low. I'm not so low I'm ill or anything, but I'm sure it's a combination of me being vegetarian and then that I've been restricting on and off over the last couple of months. Probably a good thing I didn't donate tho - I'm already a bit faint from not eating much, and last time I gave blood I passed out (I'm just come from the gym). It's frustrating not to be able to donate, especially when I know it's probably my fault I can't. I'm gonna eat loadsa spinach and broccoli from now on!

[LadyBird]

That sucks about donating blood...another reason may be that if you just finished your period or are on your period, your iron levels could be lower than usual. But another good reason to eat spinach and broccoli, they're low cal.

[nickytml]

i guess all u can do is try and eat as much iron as possible so u can be ready in a while to donate. i personally could never ever give blood because i am terrified of needles, but all the power in the world goes to the people who can

i try and be supportive because i know it helps hearing other ppl back u up and encourage u, and i know that times can be really tough and when u just want to give up and u come on here and see someone cheering u on and giving u motivation it feels great.

[pix]

Well I'm still going with eating mainly fruit and veg - I say mainly because last night my bf insisted we have dinner together (really nice of him actually, and I'd hate him to think I didn't want to), so my plans could have been ruined completely, but I made a veggie stir-fry (with only a couple of sprays of 1kcal oil), and then for dessert he made rasberries with yoghurt - but I had bought fat free yoghurt so that wasn't too much of a disaster either. The stir-fry had a bit of sauce on it but not too calorific, and half a portion of noodles (he doesn't think it's a proper meal if it's just veg), but the whole meal was under 400kcals. So I kept my kcals for the day under 700. Still going to keep it up today, try and eat only fruit and veg.
(Also, I woke up today with quite a flat tummy, flat for me, anyway.

[nickytml]

yay for a flat tummy! and great job for makin a stir fry - see i wish i liked veggies so i could at least somewhat eat more healthier. u are doin great

[pix]

Yesterday went ok - I ended up having dinner with the bf again, but again it was low-kcal, almost entirely veggies, and my kcals for the day were about 650. I couldn't manage without dinner - I was starting to feel really awful by the end of the day. Today I've had 320kcals so far (Breakfast and lunch, all fruit and veg), but I'm worried about this evening - one of my friends is having people round for a movie night, including pizza and beers. I can gget out of the beers easily, but I can't say I've eaten already when I was invited round for pizzas ages ago. And besides, I'm so weak-willed, I know I'll want some. All I can do is try not to have much (but look like I'm eating more than I am), and not eat anything else until then, so hopefully my kcals for the day will still be well under 1000 (that's my absolute limit at the moment). Am I just being weak? Maybe if I was stronger I would just find a way around eating it, but on some level I really do wanna just eat pizza with my friends, so I'm making excuses...

[LadyBird]

No, you're not being weak or making excuses...you've got to still be social and have fun with friends! If you don't eat for the day, and then have some pizza, you'll be fine, well under 1000 cals. Maybe if you pick off some of the cheese, that will be better as well. Hope you have a great day!

[nickytml]

i say just go and have one or two slices, its really not that bad... dab some of the grease off it, and take some cheese off it like ladybird said. u can still have fun wit them. just slowlyyy eat ur pizza so like u said it looks like u are eatin more. u need to have ur fun time wit friends - u deserve it. and besides 1000 is still a pretty low cal intake for the day

[pix]

You guys are so understanding - I don't have as great willpower as lots of the people on this forum, so it's expecially lovely when you guys are sympathetic about me wanting pizza! In the end the plan to get pizza kinda ended up with going to the supermarket to buy food rather than getting takeout, which made it much easier, as I could check the kcals in what I was getting. My friends got pizza and I got a low-cal canelloni (243kcals), so my kcals for the day were still under 1000! The friends I was with each got a pizza and ate a whole one each - they weren't even huge pizzas, but that's easily 1000kcals in one go! And I know that when I've not been ana, or when I binge, I would easily eat a whole pizza to myself, and no one would even think that was a lot - that's normal! A whole pizza is a portion for someone at a restaurant! How the hell is that normal? I'll never think of pizza the same way again. It's so delicious but it's a whole day's kcals in one go. Shame - I really like pizza!
But I am so pleased about staying under 1000 yesterday AND still eating and socialising with my friends. I haven't weighed myself since I started restricting carefully again - I'll probably do that today. I really hope I've broken my plateau, but I don't know (I might have put on, and then just brought my weight back down to the same again).

[pix]

I just went to the gym and had a good workout - I had some cereal for breakfast - I felt I needed something a bit more substantial before a workout. I've kinda given up on the eating only fruit and veg thing (I'm not very good at absolutes), although the majority of what I'm eating is still fruit and veg, and I'm still calorie-counting like a madwoman! I weighed myself at the gym and...I've lost a pound! I know that's not much but I've been stuck at 125 for so long I'm just so happy to see progress again! Hopefully now I've got things moving I can keep losing. For now, I want to get myself safely under 9st (at 8st 12lbs I could still easily put on a couple of pounds, so I want a larger safety margin between me and ever seeing 9st on the scales again)! Woo hoo!

[nickytml]

thats awesome that u ended up goin to the supermarket! its sooo much easier to eat healthier there. im lucky cause pizza gives me heartburn so i try to avoid it as much as i can. also, every since i have started here i have been eating really healthy, or at least trying too so when i do go out for dinner or eat something unhealthy my stomache always acts up. so i am usually pretty cautious or nervous to eat something like that for the reprocussions of it.

congratz on already gettin to the gym. as long as u stick to low calorie totals in each day i am sure u will continue to see that weight come off. congratz on the pound tho see ur work pays off

[LadyBird]

Congrats on the pound lost!! That's so great, and you did well with dinner last night. Go you!!

[pix]

Thanks guys! I had a bit of a binge last night tho. I'd been really good all day, aqnd then I went out for dirnks with my friends and I just had water all night (!), but then the friends I was with wanted chips (same friends who ate all the pizza the other day) and I had some onion rings and then also some of their chips (ugh!). But I was adding up the cals after and although I really wish I hadn't binged I had done so well the rest of the day that even including all the chip my total for the day couldn't have been much higher than 1000kcals, so not too bad I guess. My gym has a machine that calculates how many calories your body needs to maintain your weight, and for me apparently its about 1450 a day, which is good on the one hand because it means I should still be losing on the amount I ate last night, but on the other hand it's annoying because most places say you need 1500-2000 to maintain, but it's obviously less for me so weight loss will be even harder. But at least I know what I'm dealing with. And the machine also said for the first time that my body fat % is 'leaner than average' .
The friends I hang out with most days all eat so much crap and never get fat - they're all guys, they just eat what they want. It's so tough to watch what I eat around them.
I'm also worried about this evening - my and my bf are having some friends over for dinner and we're cooking a big lasagne, which is my favourite food so I know I'll eat too much, plus there will be leftovers which I know I won't be able to keep my hands off. I'm already psyching myself up against it, preparing myself to have willpower. Plus I know our friends will probably bring dessert, and it would be really rude not to have any. I've been thinking about purging maybe, but I'm worried about doing that with them all in the very next room (we only have a small place), and also I've been really trying not to get back into mia (I used to purge a lot but I haven't in a long time now). At least a homemade lasagne isn't as bad as a restaurant one - it's mostly vegetables, with a couple of layers of pasta and only a little of the white sause compared to most lasagnes (and I don't put cheese in the sause). I'll try and make it more vegetables than ever, as low fat as possible. Hmmm...

[pix]

Thanks guys! I had a bit of a binge last night tho. I'd been really good all day, aqnd then I went out for dirnks with my friends and I just had water all night (!), but then the friends I was with wanted chips (same friends who ate all the pizza the other day) and I had some onion rings and then also some of their chips (ugh!). But I was adding up the cals after and although I really wish I hadn't binged I had done so well the rest of the day that even including all the chip my total for the day couldn't have been much higher than 1000kcals, so not too bad I guess. My gym has a machine that calculates how many calories your body needs to maintain your weight, and for me apparently its about 1450 a day, which is good on the one hand because it means I should still be losing on the amount I ate last night, but on the other hand it's annoying because most places say you need 1500-2000 to maintain, but it's obviously less for me so weight loss will be even harder. But at least I know what I'm dealing with. And the machine also said for the first time that my body fat % is 'leaner than average' .
The friends I hang out with most days all eat so much crap and never get fat - they're all guys, they just eat what they want. It's so tough to watch what I eat around them.
I'm also worried about this evening - my and my bf are having some friends over for dinner and we're cooking a big lasagne, which is my favourite food so I know I'll eat too much, plus there will be leftovers which I know I won't be able to keep my hands off. I'm already psyching myself up against it, preparing myself to have willpower. Plus I know our friends will probably bring dessert, and it would be really rude not to have any. I've been thinking about purging maybe, but I'm worried about doing that with them all in the very next room (we only have a small place), and also I've been really trying not to get back into mia (I used to purge a lot but I haven't in a long time now). At least a homemade lasagne isn't as bad as a restaurant one - it's mostly vegetables, with a couple of layers of pasta and only a little of the white sause compared to most lasagnes (and I don't put cheese in the sause). I'll try and make it more vegetables than ever, as low fat as possible. Hmmm...

[pix]

Well that evening with friends I ended up drinking loadsa wine - it was definitely that kind of evening, with my friends always topping up my glass, and then of course I eat more when I've been drinking. I ended up purging - I'm not proud of it. And then the last two days have just been a continuation of that binge - it's like once I'd lost the control I just gave up. I purged again this evening. I haven't purged in months, I used to do it every day but I really wanted to stop so eventually I did. I'm NOT getting back into that (if I allow myself the option of purging, I'm more likely to binge, and besides it's a horrible habit and it's really bad for you)! So tomorrow I'm getting things back under control. It's only been a couple of days so hopefully damage is minimal - I'm determined to shift the pounds this month!