New Year's Evolution

[Freja]

I'm so sorry hun. I can't believe he just said it like that out of the blue after seven years! I agree with Jen, try to talk to him, even if it's hard. I wish I could say something to make it better. Hopefully if you sit down and talk to each other he will see what you see and want to try to fix things. Sometimes lack of communication, or being too comfortable or stuck in a rut with someone can create problems that don't really exist. Both me and my boyfriend have nearly walked out on each other due to these things.

Sorry, I'm probably not really helping... Please PM me if you want to talk, I'll be checking in throughout the evening.

*HUGS*

[Hopelessly]

Thanks guys, you have helped. and i think thats what happened, he just cant see past that.

We ended up talking for 6 hours last night, going back and forth between thinking we'd be ok and knowing we wouldn't. He says that he loves me, that he's probably throwing away a future of happiness but that he has "grass is greener" syndrome. He wants to find out what else is out there, he wants to see what life is like on his own as he's been part of a couple since he was 17.

But where does that leave me? i had my fun before i met him, i know there's nothing better out there and that what we have just doesn't come along every day. I can't imagine my life without him, but how can i put my life on hold until he realises what a fool he's been?

We spent the night together last nite. he wanted to sleep on the couch but i told him if this was to be our last nite together i didnt want to spend it apart. he even held me when i started crying in the middle of the night. but i know when he gets home from work this evening he's gonna walk out the door and all i'll be left with are my shattered dreams.

I cant stop crying. my heart is broken. i dont know what to do.

[Freja]

I just PM:d you.

*Hugs*

[Hopelessly]

This is so weird. Talked for hours last night. And were honest. He told me so much that was in front of my eyes but that i couldnt see.

Basically living with me and my depression has become unbearable. "Joyless" he called it. But i am taking real steps to get better now. Have an appointment for next weekend that i feel will help.

Still dont know where i stand. Im going home to my parents now until sunday. Both need space. I dont know if ill come back to find hess gonna stand by me or if hes gonna walk away. Im so scared.

Cant bear to step on the scales today. Im on my stupid period firstly and last night i had a bit of indian, the first real food ive had since saturday. Feel like i put on a pound with every mouthful.

[Jennifer]

Try not to worry about your weight - you've lost loads this last week hun. Concentrate on looking after yourself, eat fruit and veg, give your body the fuel it needs to get you through this - everything wil be sooo much worse if you try and do all this AND restrict. I'm not saying pig out, haha, but as long as you're under 1000 you'll maintain your weight, especially if it's healthy stuff.

I've got everything crossed for you
Jen x x x

[Freja]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. But it's a brave step to try to deal with your depression. And like Jen said, try not to worry too much about your weight right now. I know that gaining, or even not losing, can make everything else seem worse, but if you start feeling better emotionally I'm sure the rest will follow. Also, remember exercise releases endorphins...

Take care hun.

[Hopelessly]

God what a week it's been. Came back to our flat on sunday and he had decided to leave me. But we talked for hours and the end we decided that we'll both move out, take some space, see each other the odd time and see if we can make a go of things. Which totally sucks but at least we still have a chance.

But in the meantime i'd barely eaten for nearly 2 weeks and my immune system got shot to pieces. Ended up sick in hospital. And he stayed with me as i cried and puked for 9 1/2 hours in the emergency room before they had room to admit me. God it was awful. Came home yesterday and he stayed to look after me.

He's staying one more night then if i'm well enough i'll go home at the weekend, then drop him and his stuff to his mates when im back on sunday.

Still cant get my head around this entire situation. Just bizarre.

[Jennifer]

We're here if you need us hun. Sounds like you're going through hell.
Least yo uknow you can depend on him - clearly things aren't as bad as they might have been or he wouldnt have been there for you.

Keep your chin up and get better

jenx x x

[Hopelessly]

Thanks Jen. I'm trying to look at it that way but i find it hard to believe. Told him i really appreciated his help (cos honestly i couldn't have got through it without him) but when i thank him he says "it's the least i could do". Which makes me feel he's doing it out of a sense of duty, like he owes me something after all this time together, not cos he's still madly in love with me........

He asked me what i want for my birthday. Told him he didn't need to get me anything. Although i could prob use his guilt to squeeze whatever i want out of him at this stage lol

[Freja]

What an awful week...

Sounds like you really need to take some time out to look after yourself hun. And if your bf is prepared to stay in touch with you and try to make it work he obviously still has feelings for you, even if he is confused.

Hope you feel a bit better after a weekend at home. Take care.

[Hopelessly]

Hmmm confused. Lost 6lbs in 3 days and now haven't lost anything in a week even though all i eat in a day is 1/2 bowl cereal, homemade smoothie and mayb another 1/2 bowl of cereal. Have these last 2 weeks put my body into shock or something??? I know im not hittin the gym cos i'm sick but still thought i'd lose a bit more. Going home for the weekend, might see if i can sneak onto my sister's exercise bike and see if my lungs can take it. Hopefully by next week i'll be ready and raring to go. Just have to live with this frustration for a little bit longer

[constance]

Sounds like your body needs the food energy...you have been through a lot, physically and emotionally ...both of which take their toll on your body/health.

Try to take care of yourself!! You are going through such a hard time but you do not want to end up in the hospital again.

constance

[Hopelessly]

Interesting weekend. Twas my bday on sat and got the best bday present - down to 115 yay! finally on the move again. After that was in hypnotherapy which lasted 3 hours, really interesting, cant wait for the next session. then it was time for a cut and colour and out for my birthday meal!

And thats where things started to go wrong. was in my home town and meeting wit all my friends, only they brought all their partners, which i wasn't expecting cos its normally just us girls who go. so there's the birthday girl on her own and inevitably the questions start. fobbed them off sayin he was working so i came down without him and anyway i thought it was a girls nite. still i sat there trying not to cry. felt pretty low. but on the plus side barely touched my food. even ordered dessert but i mashed it up with my fork and ate a strawberry out of it so it looked like i ate

Then sunday was a binge day. not the worst i've ever had but the most i've eaten in ages lol. but i'm really scared of starvation mode so i figure i need a day a week to keep my body guessing. right back on track today and thats where i intend to stay. still really sick tho, missin exercise like crazy but my lungs just cant handle it

Bf is finally moving out this evening. Gonna miss him so much and gonna be so lonely. still have to sort out when we're gonna see each other. although his stupid friend is coming up from cork with a "surprise and a proposition" so they're both gonna be here friday night. i'm scared of what this proposition ia. have a feeling he's gonna go backpacking or something. i never would have minded before but wit things such a mess i dont think i could handle it. oh well. lets play that waiting game again......

[Hopelessly]

He's still here...... apparently he's sick and its too late and he cant face a nite on the mates sofa. plus just found out that if break lease landlord could sue us for the remainder of rent which is like 8 grand.

I should make him go anyway. but i cant. im weak.

[Freja]

Happy birthday hun! (Sorry, I know it's a bit late...)

What a pain about the lease. Splitting up with someone is hard enought without at the practical shit that comes along with it. I know it's going to be horrible to see him go, but try to think of it as part of your new beginning and a chance to focus on yourself for a bit. Oh, and I can't believe you've lost 10 lbs already! Wow. Congratulations! Good to hear the hypnotherapy seems to be working out for you as well. Maybe I'll have to look into it...

Take care.