my zero challenge

[isaac me]

haha i didnt go to the gym today. and i kind of binged all day, but it was healthy stuff. so around 1000 total.

i keep going on this 2good days/2bad days etc... its annoying!!

#$%^%$&*%#%$@!%@%%@

[isaac me]

DAMN IT!
why must everyone bring home fatty foods. i didnt get to go to the gym today plus im already at 1000 cals.
WTF!!

not cool. i dont know how im gonna get out of this. its okay ill figure it out...

[isaac me]

sorry i havent updated in a while. ive been doing kinda crappy. its hard to work out every day but im doing good at atleast swimming or jumping when i can't go to the gym. i know im not gonna make my goal but thats okay, im still gonna keep going! im fasting for a few days.. until i get to 114lbs, thats what used to be my high weight when i was 112. a few months ago. so i just want to get to 112 and then i can startt making REAL progress. geez.

[isaac me]

burnt another 500 cals last night, then another mini bread attack. haha


havent had anything today. i hope its a good day

[nickytml]

keep going keep ur head up too, remember everyday is a new day wutever happened yesterday is in the past.. just think about the new day ahead and how good u can do

[isaac me]

thanks!! that helps especially today. chocolate then bread attack. i hate bread its evil EVIL! took laxatives. too exhausted from yesterday to work out.

[isaac me]

blahness. i hate mia. die die.

i just cant restrict. it doesnt work for me. i end up binging, every single time!
ok so... if i must eat, tuna and apples. veggies whatever. no eating during the day, that doesn't work. that way if i have to eat at night with family, i wont have had any cals.

damn i need to work out. ive been swimming some. does that count?

im pissed at myself...

[isaac me]

doing good today, lots of excercise and only about 200 cals.

[isaac me]

something very strange happened today... on friday i had two b/p's. mia is trying to creep back in. anyway, today i ate some cake (eek!) it was cake i made and i made it with egg substitutes and fat free milk and stuff, but it still had frosting. and after i ate cake i decided to purge, so i drank alot of water and thought i would just wait ten minutes to let the water soak in so it doesnt come out just water and then chunks of cake, which is unpleseant. so i sat down on the couch and watched tv for about 6 minutes and then this thought popped into my head that i didn't have to purge, i could excercise today and tommorow. it's not mandatory or anything. and all of a sudden i felt very calm about eating the cake, like its not a big deal. it was only three little pieces. how is this going to help me? if i say its okay today then whats stopping me from doing it alot all over again? thats right, its fine. dont purge, no biggie. so i finished watching my movie. just like that. it was GREAT! i dont know what came over me but im so proud of myself.
a big step in killing mia.

[Rose]

Well done hon!

I am so happy that you're that step closer to completely removing mia from you life. Every step is a big step and this one was huge!. Every time I want to /p I’m going to tell my self the same thing. I hope it works.

well done and keep up the good work, you're doing great.

Rose

[isaac me]

thanks!! I had one more b/p the other day, but midway through purging i realized again that i dont HAVE to do it. i dont have to binge. food will always be there and there is no reason to gobble it all up at once, its only making me fat. i dont need to purge, as long as i just eat regular portions. it will all be okay. and it is, i lost two pounds!! im so proud of myself. im slowly gaining back my will power and self control and it feels great.
i hit a very low point last week, i binged so bad and then i purged and took laxatives and i was just laying on my floor thinking "how will this help? get rid of a bunch of water, make me feel really tired, then be constipated for a week" its pointless. just start restricting again you idiot!!! so i did. its only been like 3 days but i think ill keep on doing good. i hope.

i haven't been to the gym in a while but i have been swimming and jumping on the trampoline alot, not even for exercise just for fun. its really toning my legs and i wasn't even trying. dont you love that?

today has been good, ive had about 200 cals. and all throughout the day ive been drinking water and cranberry juice mixed. more water than juice though, less cals. it makes me pee all day long but it's supposed to help get rid of fat and extra water.

[nickytml]

i am very proud that u are realizing that u dont need to purge u need some food for energy, u just dont tons of it like in a binge. its much easier not to binge when u allow urself to eat sometimes. thats why fasts dont work for me, i get way tooo hungry! but keep it up - 2 lbs is great

[isaac me]

aw thanks


I can't believe how good im doing. im being able to not clean my entire plate and just say stop doing the "screw this ill purge" and binge. ive been eating, and i tell myself to stop because thats enough, i do stop. my willpower is coming back. yay!
today we had a delicious chowder and tons of bread, and before dinner i had some fruit so i wasn't starving because i hadn't eaten much today. and i opted for the plain bread instead of oiled. and i had some soup, and drank lots of water while eating so i would get full faster, and when i was just full enough i just put my spoon down and i was done. wow. usually that would be the point where i decide to purge and just binge and have second helpings and more bread and everything. in the past few months, i haven't ever left food on my plate because i was in the binge-and-fix-it-later mode. but now ive turned my thinking to no more start-overs. im in the now and i have to control myself because im weighing in every day now. i used to but then i stopped because i would binge at night and decide to weigh in after a few days of fasting, but this way is soo so much better.
i dont have to eat everything that i want! i can RESIST! like the ice cream and mexican food last night, i just had some plain chicken and a few chips. hot dogs at lunch, chocolate all throughout the day. its the best feeling to resist food. i dont know why i ever turned to mia. im sure i will have more binge purge/excercise things in my struggle, but thats kind of a given. im just so happy that im slowly turning back to ana and most of all, NOT TURNING EVERY CRAVING INTO A BINGE AND BINGING/PURGING AT EVERY LITTLE THING I WANT TO EAT!

so... hopefully i will keep going on this good track im on.

[isaac me]

i binged on breakfast this morning. there was just all this food that was made. i think the reason why is because i was 119 this morning. now i know logically its just because im still consipated after taking lax on monday. extra food weigh. but that doesn't stop me from being upset. i drank some prune juice this morning and ill drink more later (tmi? lol) hopefully i wont be high tommorow....

[isaac me]

i should have purged this morning... should i have??




I DONT KNOW!!!!!!!! damn i wish there was just someone who could tell me what to do!!!

i guess i will find out tommorow when i weigh in...