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Max's Journal

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max

Joined: 10 Oct 2006
Posts: 407
Location: New York . . . upstate:P

Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 3:33 pm Post subject:

Om: Friends are open to eachother, supportive, forgiving, honest.... I dont think meeting at first is one of the requirements if you have all the other characteristics in motion If anything it's a cool way to meet good friends... alot of us are "shy" and antisocial and this breaks a lot of barriers that we probably wouldnt dare cross on a day to day basis. If i saw another girl walking along- I woulndt go up to her and say hi wanna be my friend.... maybe because shes "cooler looking" or something... i dunno. Plus IT REALLY is a relief to talk to others in the same situation.... its comforting to know you are talking to someone else who can relate 100% and is free of judgement. I hope you're having a better day today ================= ok... well...yesterday i went nuts (literally) and ate half a bag of garlic pumpkin seeds. I felt guilty... but luckily for each serving there's 8grams of fiber... so it was a clean... UGH... "out" . lol So today I wake up.... and its light out. I panic because my alarm didn't go off. Turns out.... my power was shut off!!! hahaha....how embarrassing. On a good(but wasteful note) I had to throw all my food in the freezer away... and haul my perish-food to work. (i only kept soy drinks and yogurts). Hopefully my power will be back on when i get home tonight. It'll really suck if not. boo. I'm really weird... but it kind of excited me... I'm thinking to myself: "COOOL!!!! I can be rustic and oldfashion, get some gas lamps, read a book and take a bubblebath!!!!" (my heat and gas is free ) Anywho.... yesterday I joined a book club(how geeky) and tomorrow im going to a drawing workshop for work. Hey.... I'm tryn. take care kiddies

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max

Joined: 10 Oct 2006
Posts: 407
Location: New York . . . upstate:P

Posted: Tue Mar 04, 2008 6:41 pm Post subject:

holy crap im anxious and bored. I should be working but my head is a little hurty . . .lol anyways i was looking back thru this journal and one i have previously and i realized i went from 128lbs (june 2006) to 80 (now) - thats a whopping total of 48 lbs lost... mind u it was frickn slow as HELL. but... hey... cool... I mean... I remember standing in my butt ugly blue shower when I was 22 yrs old and thinking tomyself someday Im going to do it. (I was 145lbs then). 6 years later(tear) I finally did it. I guess I saw getting older, wanting a family and losing an almost fiance as a wakeup call. so all in all.... I have 65 lbs difference between my highest and lowest in my life. NUTS. sorry im rambling, im trying to be positive and not go rape the vending machine. oh... and i wanted to add... ED'S make you BROKE!!!! omg... i mean come on. Its pretty pathetic that i spend about 30$ in laxatives everytime i put something in my mouth(its like $200 a week) ... not to mention the expensive vegan crap i buy... and purge.... I shouldnt be waking up to no power because i opted to binge instead of paying my electric bill XD sad sad sad. Maybe this will kick my ass in gear.(as far as NOT being wastful and binging/purging) sigh.... what else can i blab about.... ugh... if this were last year id be outside smoking.... Im gunna go for a walk XD ttyl guys

Freja

Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 229

Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 9:23 am Post subject:

It sucks when you're climbing the walls and can't even go for a smoke! Hope the walk made you feel better. Interesting that you mention the financial aspects of having an eating disorder. It really doesn't get discussed very much... It's funny, since I quit smoking lots of people have said to me 'think of all the money you're saving!'. Well. What I've spent on ciggies through the years is nothing compared to all the money I've wasted on food - food that I've purged or thrown out, or when I restrict I buy organic, even stupid things like tea. Telling myself that's it's ok to spend twice as much on stuff compared to what it costs in the normal supermarket, because when I eat so little I can justify choosing quality products...it's fucked up. And sometimes I buy things I have no intention of ever eating, just beacuse it's a new product or whatever, and I just can't resist. Honestly I think I've got 'supermarket disorder' if there's such a thing. 65 lbs is an amazing achievement, especially when you put it into perspective like that. Just be careful though, please...I don't know how tall you are, but 80 lbs is so low... Take care hun.

constance

Joined: 05 Jan 2007
Posts: 811

Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:33 pm Post subject:

Wow max....65 pound difference is huge, especially when you are so tiny now. It is a lot different than my 65 pounds, that is for sure!! I am wondering how tall you are, as well...would you share that? When you said it took you a long time...going from 128 to 80 lbs...it was only about a year and a half...I know it seems long while in the midst of it, but really, you managed to get down so very low in that time. Makes me want to ramp things up a bit. I was thinking my body was enjoying this weight a little too long! lol constance

Jennifer

Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 472
Location: UK

Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 1:39 pm Post subject:

What you've done is incredible - puts my fat lazy ass to shame man!!!! As constance said though - it was really quite a short space of time when you think about it, especially considering how little you weigh - i mean it's not like you started at 300lb! Well done you missus - not to self:must try harder!!!!!

omnifabulous

Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 519
Location: Baltimore

Posted: Wed Mar 05, 2008 10:46 pm Post subject:

way to go dude! And I do not think the book club thing is geeky at all. I mean its healthy to be part of groups and stuff, and it gives you something to do that isnt food, and it encourages you to read and have people to talk about the book with. I just read constantly and bug my friends to then read the books so we can talk about them. I read american psycho in Jan and am just now getting one of my friends to read it and he is about a quarter of the way through.. I actually wanted to start a book club for awhile..lol.

max

Joined: 10 Oct 2006
Posts: 407
Location: New York . . . upstate:P

Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 3:59 pm Post subject: Note

Freja wrote:

Honestly I think I've got 'supermarket disorder' if there's such a thing.

If there is such a thing... I've fallen victim to it too. I wander aisles for hours... I actually started taking different routes through the store because Im embarrassed if the guy at the fish counter, or the one at the deli counter sees me pass aimlessly by more than 3 times.
Because I buy laxatives... I never go to the same store back to back.. meaning I wont go on thurs and fri to one... I'll change it up so they dont think IM an addict(which i gues I am). And i avoid the cashiers I recognize... lol I'll stand in a 20 mins line before I go express to the woman who helped me the day before. Im so paranoid... it's not like they won't sell it to me. I guess I'm just afraid of what people will think too much. I like buying fruit- even though i usually never eat it... luckily itll stay ok in the fridge for awhile... Smile

The chip aisle is pure torture.. I usually pick up a bag... put it back.. see something healthier... pick it up... put it back... pretty much I'll do this until i decide on some ridiculously healthy chip... baked.... unflavored... and when i get home it's so gross i toss it. XD
I stare at cakes too.. i stop staring when they say "can i help you?!" LOL

constance wrote:

I am wondering how tall you are, as well...would you share that?

5'1" (i think) lol Long pants suck.

omnifabulous wrote:

way to go dude! And I do not think the book club thing is geeky at all.

Hehe- yeah I'm actually looking forward to it. We meet up on Tuesday. I have a crapload of books to bring in. I'm totally gunn get my geek on.

=== Thanks guys for the responses!! It was fun looking at my journal today, it was like opening an xmas stocking... Smile

I know I'm kinda on the "low" side of the weight thing... thanks for your concerns. I'm really not as thin as the number sounds... and I can still function. I wouldn't ever allow myself to become a perma resident of my bed... i think... I mean I'm reallyyyyy tryn to keep up with juices, soy drinks, and nibbles. Granted I don't even remember the last "meal" I had....I think I'm doing ok. I dunno...well good enough. Razz

My mother is going to come into town in about 2-3 weeks... and I'll probably eat and suffer- so all should be well. lol

SO.... FINALLY got my electricity back. 3 days later. I ended up buying a 100 foot industrial extension cord and stole power from the laundry room. I was going nuts. It was nice to shower this morning... I could actually find my soap. It's been rough though... Talk about depressed... I couldnt watch tv, nothing cold in fridge, no internet, no lights, my phone died... i couldnt even cook(which i guess is good). Funny what we take for granted.

well... I gotta get to work here, I hear my boss walking around. Razz

I'll check up on other journals during lunch when Im more free:)

Ciao for now! Smile

constance

Joined: 05 Jan 2007
Posts: 811

Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 10:55 am Post subject:

Glad you got your civilization back...I mean, electricity!! At first it is novel, but it quickly becomes a pain in the butt. We are so accustomed to having everything rely on it. constance

max

Joined: 10 Oct 2006
Posts: 407
Location: New York . . . upstate:P

Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 3:56 pm Post subject:

man I feel like a jerk... I logged on and i have no time anyways quickly.... yesterday I didnt binge or purge!!! SHOCK!!! I asked a few coworkers to go see a movie with me!! DOUBLE SHOCK! I didn't get any candy or popcorn!! TRIPLE SHOCK!!! I didn't actually eat anything except 1 coffee soy milk(130 cals) all day!!! STILL SHOCKED!!! AND!!! AND...... NO LAXATIVES!!! MEGA SHOCK!!!! I feel so proud this morning... It's nice... I'm glad I made the decision to hang out with people instead of falling into my routine. anyways yeah Got my coffee... doing well.... somehow I have energy(I think because it's friday) haha yeah.... well crap i gotta go.... I'm going to spam this forum when i have a chance... so WATCH OUT!!! guys

Freja

Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 229

Posted: Fri Mar 07, 2008 10:35 pm Post subject:

Hey, sounds like a good day, you should be proud ! Good on you for asking your co-workers to the cinema. I'm pretty much a recluse most of the time as well, particularlly since I split up with my ex. And I love being alone, the fact that no one bothers me. But it's also kind of scary to just spend so much time in your own head, do you know what I mean? It's good to get out once in a while and talk to other human beings... Anyway, well done for staying off the laxatives. Have a good weekend!

max

Joined: 10 Oct 2006
Posts: 407
Location: New York . . . upstate:P

Posted: Sat Mar 08, 2008 6:05 pm Post subject:

its saturday.... raining.... just got back from the store-it's about 12:30 pm. Bought: beer, two apples, two avocados, toliet paper(wooo!), fake vegan cheese and sunflower seeds..... I made it thought he chip aisle! (basically i couldnt carry anymore with beer and TP) anyways... randomness.... today havent had anything, havent weighed myself... dont really feel like it. so yeah... plan today.... play games- tonight: get wasted! yah! ttyl guys:)

constance

Joined: 05 Jan 2007
Posts: 811

Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 12:37 pm Post subject:

max.....hope you weren't too hung-over, girl!!! Just checking up on you! constance

Jennifer

Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 472
Location: UK

Posted: Mon Mar 10, 2008 4:16 pm Post subject:

good weekend??

constance

Joined: 05 Jan 2007
Posts: 811

Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 12:13 pm Post subject:

Where are you, max? I read through your journal yesterday, up to the place when I first started posting in it, Oct'07 because the board was so dead. It was extremely interesting!! Hope all is well with you! constance

omnifabulous

Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 519
Location: Baltimore

Posted: Wed Mar 12, 2008 8:32 pm Post subject:

yeah where are you dude? Its not like you to dissapear, atleast I dont think it is.

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