so senor likes me.... and idk i'm either broken or just don't care. it's like yeah, he likes me.... but idk i still don't feel pretty enough.
we partied and drank a lot. a lot!!!! and he made me drunk pasta... and i ate it. ickkkk. he kissed me tho!! it was cute. but my guy friend pulled him aside and yelled at him. the drunk "if you hurt her i'll hurt you" speach....
so i took a break to party. but haven't eaten much.
today i've had 60 worth of yogurt.
had some fruit this morning, sorry i've been m.i.a but with finals............. ug you kno how it goes. i have my organic chem final. i'm officially FAILING the class-- so i really need to rock this last exam. oy. my body hates me. i don't care.
senor is persistent. i have a date w him on thurs. haha i kno! the day i go home! i'm going back to work, which will be good. i need money. make that chedda! and it's also good bc it's easier to diet when i have t work. stay away from the food and moving all day.
i'm such a fatty.
ew
but eventually i have to be thin, i mean it's just chemistry right? there isn't any junk in my body.
i watched lost-- like binged watched it and rocked out to nirvana all day sat. didn't study at all. didn't even get out of bed. im pathetic. why am i even here? seriously. i'm never going to make it into nursing school. i hate it.
It's nearly Xmas, chill out and relax- sounds like you're doing pretty well with the food stuff actually although MIA is a bitch, it's so disruptive and I blame my rubbish grades on spending hours every night spent over the toilet.
Glad this guy seems to like you and everyone is right... he better treat you right. You certainly deserve it, take your time and enjoy it! Thinking of you honey pie. Much love as always! xxx
Hello my loves. I hope you haven't forgotten me. I haven't you!!
UPDATES:
New boy (typical right?) this one is adorable but a little on the shy side. He plays the bass in a bad. OOOOOO lala.
I'm having a rebirthday. As most of you know, last year this time about my boyfriend of 4 yrs and i split and I've been out of control ever since, right? well, I'm calm and collected and happy. oh so happy now.
School is lame. I don't like it, but whatevs.
Ah. And food. Well, I didn't buy a meal plan. We'll see how this turns out. There is no junk food in my house. I have trimspa and hoodia pills. I am "Starting Fresh" tomorrow. hahahah. yeah, always tomorrow. ew. well, I'm working. I will be waiting tables, that's exercise. and I live soooo far from all my classes so it's a long walk. also, i have a yoga mat and pilates videos. i plan to wake up tomorrow at 9 and work out and drink some coffee and start preparing for my quiz in psych. you know. i really feel different now. a new me is about to emerge.
i promise
today was a good day. no ice cream or anything. tomorrow i start work, then class... so i'll be busy busy busy. but it's good for me. hopefully these new coworkers don't hate me. ug.
working out daily. my whole body hurts. the snow is insane. i am always cold. i am still smoking. i had some special k cereal today. coffee. i ordered turbo jam, the workout on tv. i hope i like it. it cost a lot. too much!!
the boy and i are making progress and i hope soon we'll be dating.
wow the forum seems empty. i am too guilty. i am working now, the hours are long and i'm always beat after my shift, but it's cash and i have BILLS like you can't even believe.! i'm eating less and less. mostly fruit. taking trimspa like it's getting taken off the market, i swear i cleaning it out!! i am still boy crazy, mr. punk rock is fabulous and we're hanging out this weekend school is a disaster i am trying to survive. it is horrible...... hmmmm what else? that's mainly it. still fat. still starving myself bc im so fat. the usual.
well, i hooked up with my friend's little brother, which is weird bc it's his brother.... it's not like he's a kid or anything (my friend is 3 years older than me, so he's only a yr younger than me.) but everyone is against it bc they think it won't work, he is very shy.... idk. but he did give me a pink teddy bear when he came up to see me. the bear doesn't have a name, but i am thinking osito is cute. even tho it's pink, i think teddy bears are boys. idk.
the roommates don't like me bc i use too much dish soap. it's so dumb all the grief they give me!! i feel like i'm living with my mom!! i mean, who cares????? so i have been smoking more than usual. all the stress in this house!!
i was doing some turbo jam, looking like a dork, but having fun and burning cals... when my roomie came home from a run. that little cow will not be skinnier than me!!!! i will turbo jam it up EVERYDAY until I can walk around the house naked and make her CRY!!
i guess that's my goal. to make her envy me. so tomorrow i am working out, shower, work, school, possible 2nd workout. goal: zero cals
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