>>Amy's Journal<<

[wannabethin]

yeah I love it too i don't add any fat though because the packet stuff already has a little in it.

Anyway, I'm not doing too well.. Started well this morning with my roll and apple and another apple 2 hrs later, but when it came to lunch time, I decided to eat something proper, because I could feel that feeling I get when I feel like having a binge. So instead of having just a salad for lunch and then bingeing later, I decided to do that nice curry again I had last week. I did it with chicken this time and lots of veggies. Last time I used coconut milk out of the carton though. That's enought for two curries, then it's gone. Because it went off so quickly last time, I decided to by the other stuff, creamed coconut. It's like all the coconut flakes and the watery stuff together, but dried and in a packet. You dilute some with water then you've got the equivalent of the stuff that comes in the carton. Anyway, so I opened the packet and diluted some of it for my curry, when I had the stupid idea to poke the spoon into the packet and have a mouthful. It was so tasty, it tasted a bit like white chocolate! In the end I ate loads and finished it off in the afternoon. That was 200gr!!! Can u imagine how many calories are in that?? I have no clue and would rather not know.
Further foods eaten today: another apple at 4pm (with the rest of that coconut stuff), some cheese (not too much) after the gym. I did 50 mins of pump.

I think it's reading all these articles on how bad starvation diets are for you that's making me eat more these last few days.. I'm just scared of having the same thing happening to me as it did after the summer! Somehow I let my guard down and started having the odd forbidden thing and the weight started creeping back to where I started and more (
But if I just ALWAYS restricted, then I wouldn't gain again, would I? But I think we all know that restricting really isn't a long-term answer.
I wish I could be as thin as I was in May... Fuck.

[wannabethin]

Just one more input for today:
I just NEVER EVER want to eat so much that I feel sick. I never want to have big time binges again. As long as I can manage to say STOP in time, that'd be a big achievement to me. But like I said, most of all I wanna be back down to 50 kg. I wonder what I weigh now.. 55? I doubt it's any less.. Need to starve a little more before I dare..

Have a good day tomorrow everyone! I love the support on this forum.

xxx amy

[ThinMint06]

Hi Amy!

Don't worry, you're doing great. Very healthy.. binges happen, don't give up! You can get to 50!!

*hugs*

[wannabethin]

awww thanks thinmint! that's so nice of you to say that
yeah, i guess they do.. i'm just glad i haven't binged really big time in a while and i hope that i don't in future. last week i was doing really well, but at the mo i'm a bit stuck. but i'm sure i'll get on track again. i'm very determined, but at the same time want to have enough energy and be healthy. hmm..

anyway, so far eaten:
- 1 apple and 1 roll at 9.30am
- leftovers from yesterday (thai curry made with chicken, veg) with glas noodles, 1 portion

I intend to have a banana around 3pm and maybe zucchini with eggwhites around 5.30pm before i go to work at 6. maybe i'll go without. i'll see.

xxx a.

[wannabethin]

Day ended as planned foodwise
And I DID have my zucchetti meal.
At work I had a glas of prosecco with passionfruit-juice. Rather that though than chocolate.
So far so good.
Sleep well!

xxx a.

[wannabethin]

Doing quite well today
feeling better all over, too! somehow i just felt crap yesterday, really tired. but only til i got to work.. i like working, i work as a waitress at a cool bar/lounge, and the people are really friendly, as are the people i work with.

eaten today:
- 1 apple, 1 roll at 7.30am
- 1 apple at 10am
- big salad (200gr eisberg with some kidneybeans and sweetcorn already in the packet), 1 leg of chicken, 4 mini potatoes sliced and fried.

I know this is quite a bit, but i'm going to do 1 hr on the bike this afternoon and need some energy for that. might just have a banana afterward and skip dinner.

i'm very dedicated to studying lately, no wonder, i've got my exams end of feb. i am getting a bit nervous slowly..

catch ya later have a good afternoon!
xxx a.

[wannabethin]

poooooh!
I'm such a loser!!!

Had a little binge tonight i got that addictive feeling all over again, crap!
it went like this:
at 3.30pm i went to the gym and did a pretty unproductive workout for 40mins. usually when i go to the gym i do it properly or not at all, so that's strange for me.. anyway, after gym my friend picked me up and we went to her place for supper and to watch tv. it all started well, we had salad with tuna, avocado, sweetcorn and pepers. so far so good. but then i got the munchies and we started chatting about what we'd love to eat! so that made it all worse and before i knew it i'd eaten loads of salted peanuts, a couple of leftover xmas biscuits, and about 2 pieces of those crackers from wasa with sour cream and guacamole on and on my way home i so felt the need for sweet stuff i bought a snickers. and now i've just finished off the cheese in my fridge, about 100gr or so. bugger!
i was doing so well! at least i don't feel sick

[wannabethin]

so today i've had:

- 1 apple and 1 banana for brekkie
- 1 apple
- bowl of pumpkin and ginger soup, 1 dark bread roll

that was at lunchtime and i haven't eaten a thing since. just been to my pump class (75mins) and have a fish in my fridge, aswell as veg and eggs. i was gonna do fish with veg for supper, but it's too late to cook something big like that now and i'm contemplating not eating anything. but maybe zucchini with eggwhites so i get some protein? i don't know what to dooooo!
also, that fish needs eating latest tomorrow, and tomorrow i've got work at 5pm. if i eat it before work, no doubt i'll smell all fishy, uuurgh!

[wannabethin]

hey everyone!

hope you had a good weekend. i've been busy working fri. and sat. and am quite tired from those late nights. not long now before the exams either, getting nervous..

i'm just reacalling what i ate the last couple of days:

THU:
as noted in my last post, but at 9pm after my workout i had 1 zucchini, 1 egg, 1 eggwhite mixed to an omlet.

FRI:
- 1 apple and 1 bread roll
- 1 apple
- salad for lunch
- fish and veg for dinner

SAT:
- 1 apple
- went out for lunch: veal, some kind of potato strudel, spinach, sauce
- started work at 3 pm and had dinner at 8pm: greek salad with some feta, no dressing, a bite of bread
- night time meal after work before bed: small can of sweetcorn with tuna, rest of bread roll

SUN:
- went out for lunch again: big salad from buffet, a few potato croquettes
- red thai curry with glas noodles and chicken

Gotta rush, uni starts in 10mins!!

[wannabethin]

SO, after eating quite a bit at the weekend, but not too much, it's time to be a bit stricter again. I do want to loose weight, but I'm being careful not to drop it too suddenly, because I'm so scared of quickly gaining it again.
So on monday i had:
- 1 roll and 1 apple for breakfast
- lunch at uni: spinach with 1 fried egg and a few potato croquettes
- 1 banana at 4 pm

And THAT'S ALL! Yay, I must say I'm quite pleased with that. Especially because I went to my muscle pump class at 5.30pm and didn't eat after that either. So I guess that's quite a good diet day.

Today is similar:
- 1 roll and 1 apple
- lunch: 1 steak of salmon with brokkoli and carrots and mini potatoes (i've been reading a lot about how important omega-3 fat acids are lately)

I don't start work till 6pm today and I don't know if I've got enough willpower to just have a banana before I go.. I'll see. I've got some aubergine in the fridge, might fry it in a little oil and add an egg plus an eggwhite and maybe a little grated cheese to it. i hope to be able to skip that though and just have the banana.

apart from that i feel quite good about myself today. i think it's also because i'm busy studying. that does my conscience the world of good, knowing i'm actually doing something against my fear of those dreaded exams..
i still haven't weighed myself though. it's been about 3 or 4 weeks since i last stood on the scales! my wish is to be around 54kg by now. last time i was something between 55 and 56, OMG!!! I would die if my weight hadn't changed..
But this whole eating business isn't JUST about weightloss, although of course most of it is. it's also about not bingeing. and about feeling better all over. if i eat like a plate of pasta or something i'd feel so bad afterwards, like really fat and gross and heavy. i too enjoy the lightness before i go to bed when i haven't had any dinner, and even more when i get up and my stomach is all nice and flat.

[wannabethin]

i did end up having that aubergine with egg and cheese.. quite a bit of cheese actually about 80gr in with the omlet, and the rest of the packet, 40gr, i had when i got back from work. in a sort of binge mode. so unnecessary... but i didn't have a banana in the afternoon.

anyway, today's been better:
- 1 apple and 1 roll for brekkie
- 1 apple at 10am
- big bowl of vegetable soup for lunch, NO bread with it
- aubergine omlet at about 5pm, but this time without the cheese

felt great today, but after lunch i went to study at the library. was feeling fine till i left at 4.30, although by then i was feeling quite hungry. silly me thought i'd have a ciggie on my way home, might stop the hunger, but in the end it just made me feel really sick and light headed and when i got to my flat i tripped and sort of fell up the stairs! when i got in i had to lay down on my bed i felt so bad, like i was gonna be sick or pass out. i actually wanted to go to the gym and eat nothing the rest of the day, but i just couldn't pull myself together. so i had my aubergine with egg and lay back down and fell asleep for an hour! this has never happened to me before. so no gym for my today, but no more food either. but i've got my pump class again tomorrow, 75mins. and maybe i'll go on the bike for half an hour first too.
tomorrow i'm out for lunch, my friend is leaving for a long weekend in berlin and it's her b'day on friday. if i have a proper lunch i can have a light or no dinner and still manage my gym class.

***edit***
i just drank about half a litre of grapejuice.

[lilith]

you remind me so much about myself... or should I say the way I used too be..

I want too get back to my old self and be 50kg, now am 53kg and Im 168m... I was 56 at my fattyest!!! can u belive it! why did I let myself go like that!!? and now I got cellulite on my ass! I need to get my disipline back...!


please help!

and good luck 2 u......

[wannabethin]

so far so good, sort of..

after feeling close to passing out yesterday, i had real trouble getting to sleep. and i woke up really early too. this is what happened to me all the time in summer, when i WAS thin.. so maybe this is a sign that i'm on the right track
anyway, eaten today:
- 1 apple, 1 banana, 1 can of tuna (yeah i know, tuna for breakfast..)
- 1 apple at 10am
- lunch: was at a restaurant. fish on mashed potatoes with ratatouille. very tasty
- dinner: steamed brokkoli and some chinese style veg (just veg, no sauce)

so i think that's ok, not? plus i've just been to pump for 75mins. and am now going out for drinks with my friends. i feel in danger of bingeing though! i won't have any strong drinks so to reduce the risk of getting food in tipsyness

so, gotta get ready and sexed up! haha!
have a good night guys, love ya! xxx

[wannabethin]

yay, weekend at last )
time seems to be whizzing by just lately, my exams are getting closer at the second!! aaarrghhh!

anyway, did well yesterday!
- 1 apple and 1 roll for breakfast
- salad for lunch (eisberg lettuce, beetroot and 2 boiled eggs, one of which i removed the eggyoke)
- 3 small chicken filets on ratatouille (made with 1 zucchini, 1 red pepper, carrot and half a can of tomato) for dinner

went to work at 5pm and picked on the almonds a bit. but i'd say i didn't have more than a small handful.

and this morning i weighed myself! the first time in aaages! i was 54.2kg. neither yay nor ney, but i'm glad. i didn't know what to expect, last time i stepped on them (that was before xmas) i was something ridiculous like 56 or something gross like that. but this morning i was lying in bed and noticed i definately have lost weight, so i was ready for the weigh in. so i s'pose i'm happy my ultimate goal is 50, but that's gonna be tough..
53 would be a good start!

have a good day!
xxx

[wannabethin]

fuck i binged
had nothing but salad and fruit until this evening. then i ate 250gr of mixed nuts and 250gr of parmesan.
this sucks