Greentea's diary

[greentea]

44,9 kgs today:D I've finally reached my goal.. But what do I do now..?
45 was my final goal, actually 49 was, but I changed it. I kinda want to lose more, because I'm still not as thin as I want to be..

The doctor and my family wants me to gain weight, and I drink a lot of water before I go there to the "weight control thing" so they at least don't notice that I've lost weight. 1 l water= 1 kg, so I drank 2 litres the last time.

My family say they will take me to New York (my granparents), but me hair extention etc. if I gain 4 kg, or become "healthy" or something.. I want those things (NY and hair extention, not to gain weight), but I don't want to be fat..

[Hopelessly]

Oh sweetie how terrible. i really feel for you.its horrible when people say thoughtless things, they are probably just bitter themselves over something. i bet you look super-skinny, i bet id be amazed if i saw you. but pleeeeease stop purging, its the worst thing you can do as it ruins your body on the inside and in time that will show on the outside. thinking of you xxx

[greentea]

Thank you for the comment. You're so nice to me:) I'll try not to purge that much, yesterday I didn't, and haven't done it so far today..

Now I have a big problem. If I don't gain one kilo this week, I'll be put in hospital. I'm so sad right now. I mean, I eat a lot more than what I'll concider anorexic. And I'm not that thin. I'll drink more water, and wear heavy clothes, and try not to lose very much this week, so the doctor thinks I've gained.. The least thing I want is to get fed in that kind of way..

I really don't want to be fatter again. This was my goal weight, I've worked hard to reach it, and I don't think it's fair that other people should take that away from me.

[greentea]

I'm going to the doctor tomorrow.. I'm so nervous. I really don't want to go.. I haven't gained weight.. And I don't know if I'm able to make it look like I have. Because my doctor already thinks I weight 2-3 kilos more than I do, because I always drink a lot of water and wear heavy clothes/accessoires before I go there..

Well.. I hope it's going to be ok. I've read that doctors aren't allowed to force people to the hospital unless their BMI is under 15 (read it somewhere online..) But maybe it's different for those who aren't adults..?

[greentea]

I've been at 44,6 kilos about the whole week. Yesterday I was 44,6 kilos. And I ate a lot yesterday; Kellogs K w/youghurt for breakfast, chicken salad for lunch, broccoli-in-cheese-sauce-thing for dinner and even a crisp bread in the evening. I ate like a normal person, but today I am 44,0 kilos, which doesn't fit me well today, because it's today I'm goin to the doctor. That's so stupid. I mean, any other day I would be thrilled to lose that much in a day.. But just not today..

[greentea]

It's been so long since I've written here.. And so many things have happend. I've been looking for this forum, it's weird to read things I've written before.

I dropped to 40 kilos (88 lbs) , and was hospalized 3 times this summer.. I was forced into a recovery- thing, and gained to 47 kilos (103,4.) Now I'm back at 43 (94,6..)
I don't know what to do now. my parents are watching me, I've dropped out of school and my mom is home making sure I'm eating. I hate this. I know I can get a more normal life if I gain weight, but if they gave me the chanse I could now, and I really don't want to gain any weight..

I hope you're all ok..

[Freja]

Sweety I'm so sorry you've had such a rough time. I don't know what to say. Just wanted to say something because your post got me worried. Having to put on weight can feel like the most terrifying thing in the world, but if you've been hospitalised and your mum is staying home to look after you your health must be in danger. I don't mean to preach, but please try to look after yourself. When you were in hospital did you talk to a psychatrist as well? Perhaps it would help to talk to someone about all this.

Freja xx