do I want to recover?

[metamorphosis]

I am sick and tired of the b/p routine, especially now I've come home from a vacation where I haven't purged in 4 days (but did overeat but not binge).

But I so desperately want to lose weight & my patience is such a handicap!

So one second I feel I want to recover, stop doing this, go back to normal, but the other second I dream up restricting/exercise schedules to lose 5lbs a week to get to my goal in time.

I guess my question is, do you think that someday you'll be free form the urge to b/p, free to enjoy normal meals, free to take off a day from sports because you're not feeling well, or whatever, without guilt, free maybe even to have an ice cream without guilt now and then?
Or do you think the struggle will always last, only with you growing stronger (hopefully)?

[Rose]

i know that it is possible to go through meals without even thinking about purging because i did it, guilt free. I know how you feel becuse i am in the same boat atm- i want to be free and happy one moment, and thin the next. I guess i'm just too afraid to mke that first step into recovery becuse i dont want to lose control or gain weight.

the only thing that i have leant is that to stop purging, we need to stop restricting too-It's the only way that we can over come the negative emotions that we have towards food.

The stuggle only lasts if you want it to. If you choose to end it, it will - not saying that it will be easy to change the way that youve been thinking for so long, but it CAN be done.

Good luck!

Rose

[niffa]

i no how you feel, i really want to be able to sit down with the ppl i live with and eat a whole meal without wanting to dash off to the bathroom and purge, but sometimes it is just impossible. i have a new boyfriend at the moment and in some ways that is more inspiration for me to stop because he doesnt like skinny girls and i really want him to be happy with me but then at the same time i look down at my self or see my self in the mirror and wonder....is he worth it and i realise he is but i still feel like i should weigh so much less