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After looking at all the wonderfull posts and how everybody is seeing results I thought this is just what I needto ensure that I stick to it.

02/10/06
21:50
Today was a disaster but it was bound to happen.
I hadn'e had anything today until 14:35 when I arrived at my aunts flat and was forced to chow down loads of chicken and soda........i wanted to purge but I don't want something crazy to happen to me. Like yesterday I had a bowl of noodles, but drank loads of water before and after but when I was purging I starting to see some blood in my vomit and I just don't want to go down that road even if I am very close to it already.

Anyway since eating the chicken this afternoon i haven't had anything but water...........I am so depressed right now because I have been binging and purging for a while now and have gained some weight........I feel like crap and don't know what to do ........a very long sigh

anyway that's it for today i can't wait for school to start because the more I laze about at home the more I binge and then purge.
22:47
I am still online....I don't know what to do right now.......I could go to bed but I am dreading that I have to do the housechores all day tomorow...........it's not bad when I am not eating but I will be in the kitchen all day and will have to cook diner......actualy now that I think about it I often binge when I have nothing to do......my best fasts have been on my most bussiest days
I actauly talked myself out of feeling crappy about doing kitchen work
anyway
adios

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03/10/06
22:12
well today went well......if you can say so....woke up this morning and mopped the floor and then decided to tidy my room.......Then I went shopping with my sisters........we were out until 6:30pm but hadn't managed to find anything nice and anyway by the time we went to a good store it was closed.......

Any way.....I didn't eat or drink anything since yesterdays chicken fest but just now around 9:30 i had a bowl of rice.....I am pissed off for eating but am ok because at least I did not binge like I usualy do.

anyway I go to school tomorrow to work out my subject choice.......I think it might be onther pain in the butt
That's it for me today I am so tired I am off to bed.

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By the wayI almost forgot........I was almost busted for self harm.....me my mum and my 2 older sisters were talking about what we would have to shop for and I was just standing there and forgot that I had a short sleeves on and my whole arm was slashed about.

It's a good thing I hadn't done it for a while now or they would have busted me........I don't do bad self harm......we don't even have sharp knives or razors in our house...so i used needles stuff to make tiny cuts that wouldn't show so easily........but since I had don't it all over my left arm.........It was easily spotted.

My sisters looked and said "hey what's happened to your arm".then I just hid it and said "oh nothing just a little scratch."....and they were like "that's not funny , your arm looks hurt......what happened.".......I just covered my arm and started to walk away while saying "oh me an Sarah (baby sis) were playing and I got scratched" but before they could qeustion even more or they got suspicious.i ran out of the room.

Phew I better stop cause it aint nice to be caught doing something as stupid as that..........I will never here the end of it........

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05/09/06
15:19
Well today is the last day i have before starting school tomorrow....I am so excited........we will be on a school trip to a university and we will be gone all day form 8:45 am till around 3:00........yay!! That is the perfect chance.......I won't know many ppl so there will be no friend to say hey why aren't you eating and I won't take money along so i won't be tempted to buy junk food.

So right now I am doing nothing........I will try to go ahead with my breakfast diet..........by the way If anyone has tried it and worked please tell me........I thaught of it but when it actualy came to doing it I would eat brekkie than stay away until 5 or 6pm and then i woul;d have a meal......so my diet has not been proven yet.

I had 2 weetbixes and shared it with my little sis .......right now I want to go out and exercise......do some running

Can I please ask that if anyone knows some exercise that can be done at home and that are good please share........
When iam at home I don't do much exercise i just run up and down the stairs 10 times and do some press-ups and curls and leglifts........that's pretty much it.

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Man I haven't been here for a long time..
School has started and it is a little intimidating........I don't know if I can do it...but I am really going to try my best.
Today I have a late start and that means I have to free lessons before I start school........it's all hectic.............sigh...

well.....I haven't binged......which is good to know and I haven't gained weight.........but I hate being stationary........it makes me feel weak and helpless........aaaaaghhhhh

I am doing A level maths and man it is so hard......the teachers run through things as if you should have known it from long time ago.

Any way I don't think I will be going online for a while unless it is for research..........I want to pass with A's and it will not be easy

Anyway.I have a novel to read so BYE.

By the way...has anyone read THE SCARLET LETTER?
I would appreciate it if you told me what you thought of it.

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I am at school right now and amdoing research on Robert frost.or at least I am suposed to....lol

I was reading "a story of a real girl" which is an autobiography of an anorectic........I sat up crying last night becauseof that book...It's like the girl was feeling just what I was feeling

anyway then I decidede I was not going to eat but had half of a kitkat.i know it is bad.........
But I will try not to eat for the rest of the day because I have hardle any lessons.....so i don't need that much energy......if it was a monday or tuesday I would never do it because I find it hard to concentrate.....especialy in science classes.
Oh by the wayI spoke to a girl at my chool who is alsogoingthrough what i am......it'slike we did exaclty the same thing the summer......weboth were frustrated and we both took up puring and binging and cutting...aaaahhhhhI am so glad I can talk to someone about it .....because no-one else understands
I will try and post later
BYE

[AlicetheCamel]

Hey hon, thanks for posting
Um, exercises in the home - I LOVE my stairs lol, they're great. And I also jog or run on the spot/around the room whenever I'm alone with a TV. Um, dancing around to CDs, star jumps, yoga/pilates, just cleaning or whatever can be really good.
Your breakfast idea sounds really good - I think I might try it!
xxx

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hey
thanks alicethecamel....I have been eating less and have been exercising but I have not lost anything...what is up? has any of this ever happened to you......where you were doing everything you could but not losing at all?

I am at school right now, i have private study meaning I get to sit in the library and do homework and stuff........I have been doing dancercise were I play a very fast paced music and I jump around and try to dance like a professional.....you know this type of exercise makes me sweat much more than the others and it is fun.......I especialy like dancing to pink u+ ur hand

i'm not as depressed as before and i don't sulk as much.......some friends have been saying that I have lost wieght which is nice to here but I have not lost anything........I have been at the same weight for about weeks.

anyway I have to get on with my english work, I be posting later

C YA

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hey
so today ramadaan has started .............for those who don't know it's a month of a muslim calender and it is the month that the quran (scriptures) was sent down..............any way I can't go to all the details.

But I am not to eaat or drink druing daylight hours so that mean i will have to eat before the suinrises and after it rises.

anyway I hope I do not use this as a way of losing weight because that would be a waste of the whole month and the best time of the year for muslims.

I am at saterday school....extra tuition to help with maths and science..............well I don't really need help but I have to do everything I can to try and get and A.

C YA LATER

p.s. my mom always makes big feasts for when we break our fast..........they are so deliciouse I hope I do not over do it. [color=blue][/color]

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so i haven't eaten since last night.....and I had 2 tuna sandwiches then I felt sick and purged quiet a lot out........and right now I don't know what I will do........the food my mom has made is soooooo deliciouse and I always feel obliged to eat........but i have to remind myself...nothing tastes as good as thin feels
I am scared to break my fast but I have to break my fast otherwise it would be as if I've not fasted but just not eaten all day.........it's so complicated.......sigh.
i have been exercising before I break fast so as to raise my motaboloism....anyweigh I hope I don't overdo it today.......

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well, things are not going so well, and I have again resorted to crying in my room.
I hate when this happens I just feel so worhless, but last night while I couldn't go to bed I decided that i should stop crying myself to sleep and start doing somethin for myself. I am in this rollercoaster that just keeps going up and down, and I always end up being the one that is upset.
So to start o I emediately started up a time managment chart to sort out my life.i did this till 3:00 in the morning.

I have decided that i am not going to cry about the fact that no one klnows me in my family, or that i feel I have no role, or that i have no tue friends. if no one cares about me, I won't care about any one

it's just me, myself and i, and and I have to learn to live with that

[DollyAna]

hey,i'm sure the people here care about you...take care.

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[size=18]I am at school right now and I just wanted to scream....aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!! I lost a kilo
after nearly 2 months, I have finaly lost 2.2lbs.....oh yes yes yes yes yes yes.......I just needed to say that
I better get off before my friends to start to ask questions
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after that post I started to plummet back down to earth......I feel so lonely, it sucks, I have started to realise for the past few days now that I am a loner at school and I actualy don't have any proper friends.......I am not entirely sad about it's just that it would feel nice that once in a while I had some real friend to chat to.....even right now I have been sitting here all by myself.....sigh

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I have found out yesterday that i have lost another kilo......I know I am supose to be happy but for some reason it just isn't enough.......I was happy for a little while and then I went back to my old sulky self........I still don't have anyproper friends.....I don't really mind but I am one of those people who hate being by themselves and walking around like a lost soul.

Well the religous fast is still going on, there's still about 9 more days to go until it is over and then the complementry 6 days after ( don't have to do them but it is good to.)

sssssiiiiiiggggghhhhh!!!! I just don't know what to do I feel more and more unsatisfied everyday......I just want to be skinnyy...