cold hands

[kinxofmetal]

[size=9]
hey y'all. i am not very enjoying my holiday very much what's wrong with me?! it's so annoying boring. *sigh*
i mean... i live in a village, quite tiny (about 5000 people). and there are only russian and turkish kids at my age. and they all like hiphop. the most of them are at our secondary school, i'm at grammar school, so they don't like me very much. and german is my mother tongue, i don't understand them talking in russian oder turkish. that's annoying. of course i've got friends. but my two best friends... one has been in austria since the day befor yesterday and the other has been gone shopping in the next big city with her boyfriend. i'm too lazy to drive to other friends because they live everywhere in the middle of nowwhere. annoying. great. poor me. so you can see my holiday isn't that fun. *sigh* i know it's my fault, but hey, there is noone outthere who likes my music. very sad.

had pizza for lunch. disaster. the only comfort i had was my mom told me to make the pizza. so i made a whole plate of pizza for the whole fam, and made a small part especially for me without that much stuff on it. cals... about 200.
decided to finish my fast. (did two whole days i know, not well. but next week i'm going to have school again and then i have not to eat with my family. then i can eat nothing for days. that's great)
i'm afraid of tomorrow. tomorrow is the"party" (ha ha) for my aunt. she's gonna be 30 tomorrow.
my family is from romania and they re very spirited and celebratint with food. i think that'S the only thing why we go to those "parties". you only sit, talk and eat and eat and eat and drink there. it's gonna be horrible.
mhm.

weight myself today. was a 117 lb. bad.
wanted to lose those pounds until the 97 until xmas. and then look how i'd feel. but i think i can forget it to lose that much in the left 2 months. (it's my birthday on the 19th of nov. the only thing i can say is.... EATING and EATING... oh no!)
won't lose the 20lbs.

I do everything what's possible to get there! (have no laxs anymore. no money for new ones. so tomorrow is gonna be diffcult.)

*sigh*
nothing to say anymore.
goodbye. stay blessed.

[RacerGirl]

hey..thought I would respond. I am a metal freak. from the soul out. I love punk too, but nothing rocks my face like metal. (and wolfmother) what kind of stuff are you into? bands and such. don't worry I am sure you are so tiny and cute. and metal...awesome. rock on.
\m/ashley \m/ -throwing the horns

[kinxofmetal]

rockn'roll , sis. lol . girls i am soooooooo exicted and i am soooooooo extreme happy you dont know how i feel...

(listen to walls of jericho, licksalt, slipknot, korn, MARILYN manson (HE ROCKS!) dimmu borgir. some stuff from others too, bad those are the main groups and hey i am a big punk-fan too (bands_ die ärzte; ZSK; offspring, nofx, licksalt, ex nör säx, and.... mhm.... i can't concentrate! but that should be mostly all... what are your favs?)

girls, yesterday was horri... shit have to go!

[L_Z]

Oh great, metal rocks! Dimmu borgis is the best I mostly listen to finnish bands, sentenced, charon, sonata arctica. And then iron maiden, metallica, cradle of filth...I'm not really into punk. \m/ Btw, we are exactly the same weight, 117lbs. My goal is also near yours, it's 92lbs. I'm trying to be 48kgs at X-mas, that's 106lbs. maybe we could try together? Good luck girl, sending thin thoughts to you

[kinxofmetal]

yeaaah that sounds great!
(tomorrow i start fasting for about 5 days, then break for the we and then again 5 days... and again... until i got the right weight....
maybe you start fasting tomorrow too??)

so i am back. what i wanted to say is that i'd eat with the most handsome boy ever. yes, i know, EATING, but only had salad (and there were so many people aournd us so i think he didnt see it.) after that we both went out together, only we two. the others werent really surprised. mhm. i dont know...
we talked and talked and i had the feeling that we were enjoying each other... but then i had the fucking idea to go to my friend (leo (he is also a friend of leo and i thogut she would be happy... and yes, she was.) BUT also sann, simon and markus came with us. oh great. that wasnt deffinetly NOT planned. mhm. went back to my house and watched a film. and then our neighbours came to say that they wanted to drive home . great. (his parents were at my neighbours' coz they live far away. )
the others wanted to go home. ok, so i could say good bye to him without leo and the others BUT his 3 little sisters stood next to us.
so,... my evening wasnt bad but not great as well....
mh. *Sigh*
man! it is so fucking ... involved!
(my cousin who is at the same age like i am is a friend of me too. she (bine) lives in the same .. area than he does. i like her but they hate each other.
our parents are friends, but becoz of the distance they dont meet often. and i have no plan how to come to him. of course i could go by train.... but... i am not sure if he LIKES me ourif he likes me more than friends. ARGH!
mhm.... but the next time i'll see him--- maybe new year'S eve... but.... *sigh* ... i am not sure if we'll meet then. so maye.. easter?
DAMN IT IS NOVEMBER! and easter is april. 5 to 6 months! oh my god.
*sigh*
but... until then i am a pretty and thin girl... so... who knows what'll be in future?
am going to say goodbye for today. FASTING TOMORROW AND THE DAY AFTER AND TEH DAY AFTER and thenthe day after *happy*
good night, cya guys.

[L_Z]

Oh sweet, somebody wants to do his with me (if you meant me)? I wont fast today, I'm going to gym and need to eat something...but maybe tomorrow I'll be able to start. Keep it thin

[kinxofmetal]

happy happy happy. what the hell is going on with me?
ya know everybody who says hello to me says ,,hey, dont look so sad, try a smile./ smile one time...!" immediately. thats annoying... but thats just the way i am. (what i really meant to say is i am sorry for the way i am, do you know this slogan? that'S exactly how i feel!) but... now... it's just like i could hug the whole world... i am so ... happy, feel free. dont know what is going on.
my hands are sooo cold! it is so damn freezy.
however.

today i started my fasting (my 5- days- "plan").nothing special. *sigh* i dont feel hungry, my tummy is fat YET!(changing that more and more). had school in noon,. taht is great. my friends looked strange that i was fasting again (said i would do that 2 days coz if i said that i was going to fast 5 days they had make me eat. so i didnt. and one other awesome thing is i dont have school with them on wednesday. so can easily fast tomorrow and the day after again. (on wednesday i always eat with some friends which arent my friends yet but... they are nice. and they are the only 2 other guys from my class who have the same subjects i have. so it isntr a problem in that) HURRA

sorry i AM small - talking. but... dudes... man. i dont know what to sa anymore.

awful to read my diary. but i am going to be thin- so that's the mean case i wanted to say( i say that everytime... but... okay. have to cheer for me. and i am proud. yes. i am- today is a great day. hope that this wont change. ...



bye.

[RacerGirl]

[kinxofmetal]

to Racergirl


hey ashley°°° GWAR is very great (you are right, but i dont listen too often to them) fly leaf and rammstein, Dead kennesdys, the yeah yeah yeahs and anti flag are such great groups (especially rammstein )
but the rest...? only heard of 2 others but never listned to them. so... i'll check those bands out! ROCKNROLL
never even heard of limewire... :/ mhm ... sad, very sad.

love, haiky.

[L_Z]

Hi...you asked about training. Do you really exercise an hour every day? Wow I think is better to do different kinds of workout, like if you jog every day, you could change one day and go to gym instead. It'll help you to build muscle, but with little weights you wont make them too big, and muscle increases your metabolism...but I only go to gym 'cause I like the kinda training and I want to have some muscle in my arms and everywhere. light weights tone up your muscle, so they'll look smaller but you will have the same strenght in them. of course jogging is the most effective training ever...got to go take care! I'm aiming to 200cals today, so not fasting with you maybe I'll do that later.

[kinxofmetal]

hey, L_Z , i do. but today i cant. school was too long (got home only a few minutes ago)... and i have to finsh coloring my hair (colored them yesterday red again but made only one half. was too boring. so i do the other half later.)



today is my second day. it is horrible. but fasting is not the problem. the problem is that i got my menses yesterday. and that hurts worst! i could take some pills against hurtings but i already took 3 and asked myself why they dont work. so i took the package insert and read it. it said that you must eat before you take it because otherwise it wont aid.
great. i definetley wont break my fast so i have to take those hurts. man, you have NO idea how bad i went in school. my friends know that i am fasting (for two days lol... however) and so i even cant say that i had bad abdominal pain , because i am sure that they said that that was stomach pain, and i should eat. so i didnt say anything. i feel so bad. i only color my hair after posting and lay myself into bed (it is almost 6 pm, definetely not a time to go to bed:!: )

hope that my menses will be gone soooon!

am a 114 now. *sigh
it is only my second second second damnit day today.
i am gonna make it!

i feel so emty. school was hard. and i was there from 7am to 5.30pm thats ... awful, man.


mhm i'll read some other postings. good bye. have a nice day.

[L_Z]

You are so strong...I know what a hell those pains can be. Keep the fast going, it'll get easier after the 3rd day (or so I've been told). I'll start fasting tomorrow, I had million calories today...have to do something about it. So I'll be with you for the next 3 days...btw, are you on water fast or juice fast?

[Gabby_WTF]

Wow. I didn't think I'd find anyone else who liked metal. Yay!

[kinxofmetal]

my pains are almost gone (hot bottle yeaah!, what a usable thing)

hey L_Z that sounds great, i was also told that you are better on day 3 or 4 (hurra). i drink a lot of tea and water. juices have too much cals i think.
longing for tomorrow


yeah another metal freak hurra

[L_Z]

Keep it going girl, I just woke up and...well, I'll be back in the evening to tell how it went.