cold hands

[Rose]

lol glad to know that he isnt a neo nazi!

the pic is perfection, though my bf would proberbly think that she is too skinny too, men seem to like curvy women

[L_Z]

Great that Mischa is ok...I knew. (Mischa - Mika...pretty similar.. )
Yesterday was disaster. ate chocolate. but today I'll be better. I'd like to look like that girl in your pic. Love,
L.

[kinxofmetal]

life goes on.

i cant stand my job anymore. have been selling sausages for 2 and a half weeks now but i hate it. i hate it so much.
but _ my mum gave me money for havign lunch.
but i saved all the money (hehe, i am rich right now lol)
mhm so i never ate during the day. only in the evenings. but that was always (for real) disaster.
mhmm maybe baby--- yesterday i swore myself i will lose 2 more sizes- right now i am wearing 36 or 38 and in dec i wanna be a 34. or a 32- but this is a little small. we'll see. i know my bf loving curves. so i won't get under 34 until we're splitting up.
honestly? i think i.... really like him. more than this. i kinda love him- but he is too freaky for me. i mean... I AM freaky but he is a kind of nerd.
i am afraid of leaving him. i dont want to leave him but he is really not the guy i want to share my life with forever. i am thinking about our breakup, because i cant leave him, he is a really good hacker. this is not that funny.
mhm man we'll see.
i dont want to leave him for hmm the next 2 months at least i think.
man this is weird-
c*mon, i dont know!
hugs, haiky.-

[L_Z]

life is a bitch and then we all f*king die. Try to enjoy having your boyfriend...maybe that feeling goes away, and if it doesn't, you must end it. I have too been tired to my job after just 2 weeks ( I don't even get a decent salary), but one must do what one must do. I was 34 (sizes are the same I think in finland) half a year ago...now i too wear 36. but I'll get back there. I bought pair of jeans size L (large)! They are too big though...no smaller sizes left. had to buy smthing, it's too ugly when people wear too small clothes, I don't want to look even fatter than I am. Hm..You were always my thinspiration, so should we take a small goal together? Like 2kgs or something in the same time?

[kinxofmetal]

yes, yes, yes, great idea.
2 kg.. how long will it take?
mh 4 days without eating. but i cannot eat nothing anymore. so... mhmm
2 weeks? this is a long time. not too difficult i think. i hope.
you were my thinspiration. you could be my thinspo if i had one. but i am too fat, too lazy, too sick.
a big fat maggot is guzzeling my brain. i'm getting numb. here we go again- work.

i am not well-paid, too. that sucks. glad my parents still pay for me. i'd freak out and chuck out my fridge, realizing how much i start to eat and after having chewed. spit out. that sucks. buying stuff you dont need. and everybody needs some food. mhm man you see.. my thoughts get weird, too.

grr.

okay.
what do you think? will we get there in less days?

hugs, haiky.

[kinxofmetal]

i didnt mean 14 days, i wanted to suggest 10 days. lol. i'm sorry.

2 hours ago i was so bored that i started to read through the forum again. and you know what? this is something i havent done anymore for hmm half a year. i think.
i sometimes looked at the thinspos but i havent read your comments for so long. l_z, we have to do it. i cant stand the others losing weight and we arestill fat, both? me, that'S for sure. 20 questions, BamBina wants anyone to answer.


QUESTIONS
1. Current Height: 168cm

2. Current Weight: 56.5kg

3. Lowest weight at current height: 47kg

4. Highest weight at current height: 63 - 64kg

5. Pants size: german 38

6. Top size: german 36

7. Have you ever been diagnosed with an eating disorder? no.

8. How often do you weigh yourself? honestly? at least once a day

9. Have you cried after weighing yourself/trying on clothes? a few times.

10. If you could change any body part(s), what would you choose?my fat tummy with my hips and my tights

11. What body type do you have?em? what?

12. How happy would you say you are with your body as it is right at this moment?happy? not at all.

13. Have you been made fun of because of your weight?
Yes!

14. Did it contribute to how you feel about yourself now?
of course, i think-

15. Does it take you a long time to find something that looks halfway decent on you?halfway decent? bullshit.


16. If you could snap your fingers and make yourself any weight, what number would you choose?
48kg.

17. What celebrity, in your opinion, has the perfect body?gave it up to look after celebs. they have the whole day to work on their body. they have the right money to get perfect without doing any specialar. they're untrue.


18. Other than physical appearance, how do you feel about yourself?
i am mean. yes, i am funny, but in a mean way. i've learned to get respect for what i am and for what i am doing. but sometimes i feel like a nasty mean bitch. i'm sorry. but that is the truth.

19. Do you think you'd be happier about yourself if you were comfortable with your weight?yepp.

20. If you could, would you leave ana/mia?-.-



here we go.

[L_Z]

-2kgs, 10 days starting from tomorrow (meaning tuesday). Ok? That would end me up at 54.5kgs. Haven't been in there for few months...You are right, we must both force ourselves to do something and not just cry how fat we are.

[kinxofmetal]

i think today is a good day.
i mean, okay, it'S my first day back at school. and i am still fat how i used to be.

we have to work.
tomorrow is going to be even a greater day than it is now


never gonna eat my techno beat.


try listening to kitty on the catwalk. awesome and somehow forcing yes i know but that's the way it is.

[L_Z]

How you've been? I'm now at 55.5, 1kg to go in 2 days...

[kinxofmetal]

right now i am sitting here_ in front of my computer.i am crying. badly.
i feel like shit.
i gained so much. i am 57kg today.
why did this happen. how did this happen.
i left my boyfriend. that was the beginning.
i think i fell into a huge black hole. and right now i am at the deepest point.#

you know. i still love tim. i can tell myself whatever i want. there is no one else.

i write this because i need help. i really need help. but i dont know anymore where i can get love.
nobody loves me.
i am for real.
man. i dont know when i cried that much for the last time.

i am losing weight. from today. i feel it. it is alright. there is nothing to it.
because life hates me.
i hate life. and living especially my life.


but it feels like yesterday. last year. i know i lose weight. and i know that i will become mhmm you know this swan stuff.
i am weird. have to find myself.
gotta go.

[L_Z]

That sucks. Sometimes it's too hard to get over somebody you have been in love for long time. Remember that eating won't take the pain away. Nor not eating. You just have to realize that there's more in life than him. It'll take some time, but you will survive. Just don't try to replace him with somebody else, that is the worst thing you can do. there's always people who love and care for you. I'm one of them ( I know it won't help, I'm 1000kms away and we haven't even met, but still I care).

Love,
-L

[kinxofmetal]

good evening!
so, what happened in the last time?
i'm losing weight. i am on the right way. YEPP! PARTY!
well.
today is my third day wearing braces. only for 6 months. says the dentist.
but however. it offers me new chances. so, ladies, it is not as bad as you may think.
because i dont have to eat. it is not obvious for anybody how much pain i have and nobody is able to know how this is obstructing me.
so i can always say "sorry, i cannot. my braces... you know"
and it is fine.

for the next week i will only be able to eat soup and yogurt.
i act like eating was such a hard pain for my injured mouth
i am looooosing moooore weiiight *sing

life's brilliant

[kinxofmetal]

good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen!
for those who are inetrested:
i am doing well. i am losing, slowly, but it's still so much better than staying or even gaining
love this shit
lifes's brilliant!
go out and just do it.
lots of love,
haiky.

[L_Z]

Hi honey, have been absent again...haven't ben at work for 3 weeks, so no computer to use in private. have gained again. ugh. I'll never make it, I've totally given up this. but good luck to you. I'm back at 56.5kgs. someone should rip my head off, so I couldn't eat. But maybe now that I'm back to work, things will go better.

[kinxofmetal]

heeey L_Z nice to hear from you.
c'mon girl!

i have a newstart again and again. i am a fat sappy beast.
right now i have holiday again!
i was so afraid because of sitting all day at home next to the fridge... but i realized that it isnot that bad. apart from yesterday i was doing so good.
yesterday i binged. milk and cookies and chocolate and bread with liverwurst.
the bad thing is when you have started you always know you have to stop. but you just can't. because stoppin' would include to keep all those nasty things in. so you eat and eat. just to get to a point where your body vomits from itself.
because i left vomitting and purging. so i waited for my body doind itself, without unnatural help.

of course it did not work. so woke up this morning with tummy aches.
man! i am not sure if i should get on track. binge, vomit, purge, binge, vomit, purge.
because bingeing wihtout doing anything sucks even more!