Carpe Diem

[nickytml]

aww tear tear.. thanks for the wonderful future shout outs for when u win teh oscar haha i reallly appreciate it! its crazy how helpful something like this can be eh - it really is my motivation, knowing i have u girls here

the thing i always drink is green tea... and have u ever tried crystal light? its a powder u just add to water they have all different flavors

[Tina]

Back again.
Broke the fast today at work....there was no way out of it, someone brought birthdaycake, and everyone had to come together for lunch to have some. One of my co-workers laughed and said 'you're not gonna have any, are you? you're shrinking by the minute!' So just to prove her wrong I had to have a small piece. It tasted like a dream, but ten minutes after I got a really bad stomach ache, I guess it really screwed up my digestion, so much fat and sugar...
Really mad at myself for that one...but I won't think more of it. I guess I'm ultimately gonna be challenged constantly by other people's attitudes towards my losing weight. You know, they don't want you to get skinny and beautiful, cause it changes the balance between you and them, and that makes them insecure.
The date and I are slowly getting to know eachother, he is such a smoothtalker! He tells me I'm beautiful, and that he loves my body. I know that can't be true as I'm still to big, but it gives me the confidence that I sorely need to focus on my mission. I'm still really focused. The hard part is that my body is starting to pay the price of food deprivation, I get headaches at the end of almost every workday. Water doesn't help. So I've been doing NSAIDs for a couple of days now, just to keep it down so I can function.
All in all, I'm doing ok. Try to visualize my goal every morning while I shower. It helps me.
Going out tonight with friends. My aim is to only have coffee. It's hard when everyone else is having beer...
SUMMER'S COMING!!!!!!!! YAY

[nickytml]

Wow u just broke ur fast! That’s great hun, u are so strong. And u broke it for a good reason. I have been eatin healthier and than last weekend I went out to eat and had something greasy for dinner I had the worst stomache ache for like 2 days after.. I think our bodies just get adjusted to it and than when u give it something else it goes into shock. It wasn’t fun! So I totally know how u felt.

U are doin amazing tho really.. I could never fast as long as u or as many times as u. I would fail in a second. Even if u slip up a lil it really is no biggie at all.

i hope everything went alrite with ur friends tonite, and like i said if u had something to eat or drink its not the end of the world as u have done so great so far and u will only stick to it

[Tina]

WEEKEND!!!!!! Omg, I live for the weekend right now, that's when I come out of my 'cave' into the real world!
I'm gonna spend tonight with the date, and then tomorrow a BBQ with friends. I'll have to eat something, but I'll stick to salad and chicken, so I should be ok. No beer, only wine to drink.
Gonna take a shower now and get ready.
Planning to weigh in on sunday, hope I've lost, but I don't know. It could go either way...
Thanks Nicky for your sweet posts, and I totally agree; this forum is so helpful to me. I really feel a connection to you girls, like we're all in this together! Sometimes I wish we could meet eachother, but that would probably ruin it.
So far: coffee, water, broth.
Will continue the 'fast' for as long as possible, but probably have to stretch it a bit when I'm with friends, but no more than 500 cals a day!
I wish you all a skinny weekend!!

[nickytml]

i like weekends cause i get to see friends and my b.f.. but its so annoying cause of the food. i dont work all day on weekends so it only means more time to eat. hopefully we can both stick to eating healthy stuff this weekend i am drinkin on saturday as well.. no beer for me either.. maybe rum & coke or wine? we'll see what the b.f wants.. but i will try for rum and cokes instead of beer.

hope u have a greattttttt weekend and a skinnnny one at that

[Tina]

What a great day!!! Oslo is sunny and warm, and such a motivation for me! Temperature is rising, people shedding clothes. This is the best time of year!!!
I'm doing great as you can see. Feel positive and happy. The date yesterday was great, he's the best....have to be careful so he doesn't notice my ed, I think it's kind of a turnoff for boys, you know, low self-esteem and all that. Fact is, I haven't felt this confident in years. And it's all due to ana.
Have to face the scale tomorrow. Ambivalent. Don't know. Hope I haven't gained, at least.
The party didn't involve food after all, we decided to skip it cause we're all broke. Next paycheck in ten days the good thing is that there's no money to buy food!
Have a super party tonight Nicky!!! Stay clear of the fastfood-trap on your way home lol

[Tina]

I'm back...it's 3am and I'm really drunk...
Wanna eat something, but I know I shouldn't. In distress....
If I go directly to bed, I'lll wake up tomorrow and feel great. If I eat, then the rest of the weekend will be awful. So I guess I'll go to bed.
At the party; one of my friends who I hadn't seen in a month said: 'omg have you lost weight???? You must have lost like 15 lbs!!!! you look really good!' It felt soooooooooo good, and I just cracked in a big smile!!! It's nice when people notice the hard work, it makes me feel like it's worth it.
good night all you beautiful anagirls
weigh-in tomorrow!

[nickytml]

glad to hear u are in such high spirits i am that way sometimes.. like when i see the scale drop it makes me sooo damn happy. hopefully we can stay that way. awesome news that ur friend said that u must have lost 15 lbs it really is the greatest thing to hear

i hope after u were on here last night when u were drunk u didnt eat anything.. keepin my fingers crossed

the party was alrite.. i wasnt the best behaved.. :S i had chicken.. cheese, chips and later on when i was drinkin some cheetos

[Tina]

The last few days have been not so good, the date seems to think that we have to have dinner together every day now. I don't know what to do or say to him. Why do boys wanna eat all the time? And how can they still be so skinny? I really wanna be with him, but doesn't he know that if he keeps feeding me, I'll get fat he won't want me anymore!!???
Feel like I have gained 2 kgs since monday, but it's probably all in my head. Today was good food-wise, probably 300 cals, but I seem to have lost my ability to reject food like I did last week.
Hopefully I'll be back on track for the rest of the week. I'm not gonna see the date for a couple of days, and plan to eat virtually nothing untill I see him again. I have a cold, and plan on staying hom from work tomorrow, cause there's so much pressure right now and I can't take being ill when there's so much going on.
My chestbones and collarbones are still showing, but my hipbones are not so pointy anymore due to the food. Sad. Summer's come to the city and all I wanna be is skinny in a floating summer dress. Like last week, I felt like I was on the top of the world. My jeans were so loose, and I tried on my skinnyjeans from two years ago, and the actually fit!
The weigh-in on sunday wasn't to uplifting, I had only lost 3 lbs. Maybe that's why I can't focus. I need results every day or I lose it.
Be back tomorrow, hopefully I'll feel better. It's always a kick for me when I wake up in the morning after a good night. That's when I really can tell that I've lost weight.

[nickytml]

It really is annoying how boys can always eat and eat!!! My boyfriend loves goin out for dinner – or makin a big dinner. Maybe u just think u’ve gained weight.. I get very frustrated when I don’t see a weightloss that day either – but instead of getting down on ourselves we need use that as motivation to work harder the next day.

I reallllly hope u had a good night, it sounds like u are going to – so hopefully u wake up feeling GREAT

[Tina]

Thanks Nicky, you're always so supportive and positive! It helps.
Woke up today and felt good as I predicted; I'm such a joke! Nothing has changed since yesterday, but I FEEL skinnier today! So much of what's going in with me is in my head, I know. I guess that's cause eds are mental illnesses!
Anyway, I'm back on track. I couldn't resist the scale this morning, and I haven't gained! So apparently I can allow myself some slack now and then and still be where I need to be. But then, I haven't lost any either, so...focus focus focus!
So far today: 0 cals. Intend for it to stay that way.

[nickytml]

ur totally right - not loosing anything but stayin the same is MuCHHh better than seeign the scale go up! i definetely have those mental thoughts all day long.. one second i feel skinny than it changes to being soooo fat. and it sticks and bugs me soo much. i woke up this mornin feelin great - by the time i got home from work i felt like shit and fat

[kuroneko]

I would be happy seeing a 3lb loss when I weigh in! I lose weight incredibly slowly- it seems more like grams per week than lbs!

Boyfriends can sabotage your diet in a big way huh- I will have had a great day and then my boyfriend says "Let's go and eat tempura!" (I live in Japan- it's battered deep fried vegetables on a big bowl of rice if you don't know it- yummy but about 6 billion cal) and everything is ruined for that day. Or he wants to go to the all you can eat Indian buffet for lunch, or similar. Very hard.

Hope you have a skinny weekend and see another loss next weigh-in- as long as the scale doesn't go up it's good, right?

[Tina]

Ok I just wrote the longest post ever, and then I lost it! F***ing computer. Try again tomorrow, to angry now
Doing good, planning fast tomorrow, through friday. The weekend's just to hard.
LOVE

[nickytml]

srry to hear the post never made its way here. would of been nice to hear more about how things are going. but at least u told us a bit and that things are goin well! great job hun.. i agree weekends are too hard, its my ultimate downfall - i suck