Candy

[candy]

So I decided to take the day off from exercising yesterday, which was a very bad idea, I eneded up eating ~700 cals, and didn't burn a single one off.

Yesterday morning when I weighed myself I was 102, now I'm sure I'm like 200lbs, but I don't want to weigh myself, and see all my progress down the drain. Luckily most of the food I ate was "healthy" apple sauce and the like.

So today I've ran for 20 minutes and it's only 940, got up at 8 and ran, then took sas to school, now I"m just sitting here freezing, waiting till 10 to have a shower, cause that way my body temp will be lowish, burn more cals.
I'm going to try and fast today, hopefully no one will tell me to eat...if they do it'll be a a salad with mustard.

I plan on running for another 20 mins this afternoon, then going to the gym tonight and working out and hitting the sauna.

I will be skinny!

[candy]

So friday went fairly well. I ended up eating about 100cals worth of carrots, which is a lot of carrots, but it was good, and gave me energy for my work out. I ran for 1/2 an hour, then on the elliptical for 1/2 an hour too, burnt over 600 cals in an hour, it was great.

Afterward I visited my boyfrined and spent the night, burnt some more cals there too....

Saturday I went to a pool party, but only swam for like 5 minutes because it was frezzing. I had ~200 cals there worth of fruit, not too bad.

Today I've had some popcorn ~60 cals, and I just finished eating a mini bagel so for today that's 200 cals as well. I didn't get to work out today, was going to, but went to the beach instead. On the up side, I'm 101.5 and that was at 12 when I came home and weighed myself. So 6.5lbs to lose in 10 days. I can do it!

[LadyBird]

600 calories burned in one hour, that's amazing! It's okay that you didn't work out today, sometimes your body needs that so it can burn its fat stores. Keep up the good work.

[candy]

So I'm totally happy with the amount I've been eating lately, I'm not even feeling to tired with it all. I've found my new hero: Diet Coke, see I don't like pop, it's fizzzy and I dont' like that, but hey it's true how much it fills you up and it's got a bit of caffiene to give me a boost when I need it.

I feel like I'm in a really good part of the cycle right now. I'm exercising lots, not eating much, but still able to function, and not pass out. I think the best part is that I'm not even tempted to eat, I actually have to think "okay I need to eat something to keep up appearances, and so I don't get too run down" I'm absolutely loving it.

I'm at 101lbs, but I haven't gone to the washroom for a few days so I think that should make my weight go down a bit. I also haven't gotten to exercise either, which sucks, but I've just been enjoying being outside at the beach and stuff, so it's all good, and it's not like I've just been pigging out. I'm going to go for a run tonight once it cools off, so that'll count for something.

I think I'll be okay with it as long as I'm down to 98lbs by next thrusday. I know it's going to be fairly slow going for the next couple days, since I've got some big resposiblities, that i can't be dying on, so I won't be able to work out. Oh well. 98 will be fine. 95 ideally, but if I can't get there I won't kill myself or anything.

[candy]

So I ended up eating a bunch last night, I had a bun, and some rice crispies.

I didn't even get to exercise last night, as I was watching the girls, and sky wouldn't go to sleep, because she'd had a nap. Bah! Oh well tis life.

I woke up this morning at 103 YUCK! Now i've got 8lbs to lose!I will do it though!

So it's roughly 12 here and I've run for 20 minutes, then took the dog for a walk for 1/2hour. It's like 100 degrees out, so I couldn't got for a very long walk as I didn't want to kill the dog.

For breakfast I had an apple and a piece of cheese, just to keep people happy. I don't plan on having anything else, besides a salad.

I will be skinny!

[candy]

So I ended up eating a bunch last night, I had a bun, and some rice crispies.

I didn't even get to exercise last night, as I was watching the girls, and sky wouldn't go to sleep, because she'd had a nap. Bah! Oh well tis life.

I woke up this morning at 103 YUCK! Now i've got 8lbs to lose!I will do it though!

So it's roughly 12 here and I've run for 20 minutes, then took the dog for a walk for 1/2hour. It's like 100 degrees out, so I couldn't got for a very long walk as I didn't want to kill the dog.

For breakfast I had an apple and a piece of cheese, just to keep people happy. I don't plan on having anything else, besides a salad.

I will be skinny!

OKay, so I binged, had some chips, and a granola bar. Bleck!400 cals, gross! Just finished purging in the shower. I'm going to have to work out extra hard tonight to make up for it, but I won't even get to do that, since I"m taking the girls to TNT.

I managed to make it to the gym, but only got a short workout, but it's better than nothing. Ran for 20 mins, and did the elliptical for 10 (too bored to do, wrong machine, being picky is stupid I know)

After taking the girls to TNT I came home and ran on the treadmill for another 20, hopefully it will cancel out my binge. Fingers crossed.

[candy]

Maybe I've finally learned my lesson, but probably not. I for some strange reason decided to forgoe my run this morning. I woke up hungry, which for me is strange, anyways I had a piece of chesse and 10 grapes, but it didn't help, so i kept eating.

I had a jello pudding cup, cheese, vanilla wafers, cream cheese (hoping the fat would fill me up) and two bowls of salad. Disgusting! and all before 2 oclock. I haven't had anything since then though.

I was going to forgoe exercise altogether today, but ahh, I just couldn't so I went to the gym and burnt everything off.

I had 645 cals, and burnt 705, so it's sorta okay, but not really as I was working out I just felt fatter and fatter and fatter. I can see my self getting skinnier if I catch a glimpse of my arm or whatever, but I keep feeling fatter with every minute, I hate it. I just want to be skinny, I will be skinny.

I really need to do the kekwick diet again, before next wednesday, but I don't think I'll have the oppurtunity as Amber's off and Joe's home since he had eye surgery.

I think I"m going to get in trouble soon. I'm being really "bad" about not eating, and Amber and Joe keep commenting. I'm going to lose my job, I can feel it. They are thrilled that I"m drinking diet coke now, I'm not quite sure why, as it's got no calories, but if it keeps them happy and I don't have to eat, then I'm happy.

I don't know what to do, I feel fatter and fatter as my weight goes down, and then if I weigh in the middle of the day and it's more, I just want to cry. I just want to be skinny. I don't want people to look at me, I want to be invisible. I think I'm getting my period.

[candy]

I didn't go for a run this morning, again, but I didn't end up eating much all day, until dinner, then I had an ear of corn, a meatball and a bowl of salad. Corn has a suprising number of calories, it was quite disheartening. I'm feeling quite sick from the meatball, as I haven't had red meat in god knows how long, atleast 6 months. Hopefully it will make me sick, so I won't have to worry about cals.

I really need to stop eating cheese, it's the only high calorie thing I eat on a regular basis, and puts me to 100 cals without even thinking. Everything else I eat on a regular basis is basically 50 cals or less, except the cheese, if i just stuck to my salad, I'd only consume like 50 cals a day if I ate it three times a day. I wish I could just fast.

Im going to the gym in a bit, after my food sorta digests and I will run tomorrow morning.

[LadyBird]

Don't worry about the corn, it's hard for your body to digest, so it's actually not that many cals. And you're going to the gym, too, it'll be fine.

[candy]

So the last couple of days haven't gone so well. For a normal person they'd be starving, for me it's been too much food. Friday I didn't eat much, just a salad I think (can't remember, god ana really affects my memory). Spent the night at my BF's. I think i got a concussion, my bf's roommate was spinning me around, then put me down and I fell over and smacked my head on a flower pot, hurt like hell, had a splitting head ache and was nauseous all night.

Then Saturday morning we all got up and went to breakfast, so ofcourse I had to eat, bleck, it was a buffet, so I had some pineapple and a little bit of veggies, then I couldn't resist dessert, but the ice cream sandwich I had was only 150cals, I was quite surpirsed. Slept from noon till 7, then I had a hardcore chocolate craving, and was like "hey it's the weekend, might as well indulge" then the stupid bf made supper (cute, but I dont' want to eat) and he served me as well! Compared to everyone else it was a miniscule amount, but it was too much ontop of everything, so I purged, which was stupid, being in such a small apartment, everyone could hear, but no one commented. I'm not very good at purging at the moment, tons of work and not much comes out, which is frustrating, but I shouldn't be purging so it serves me right. Anyways, then we went bowling, which was tons of fun, even though I suck hardcore and my arm was killing me by the end of the night.

Today started out really well. Didn't eat anything until noon, but that was when i came home, so I had to make a show of eating, and just haven't stopped. I tried to stay with healthy things, but it didn't turn out to well. I think I've had like 2000 cals, my stomach is huge and it hurts. I'm going to get back on track tomorrow though. I've only got 3 days till my bro gets here and I'm no where near 95lbs. I'm probably back up to 105 because I'm a lazy fat slob with no self control.

I'm going to do the fat fast tomorrow and tuesday if I can swing it (without people commenting) then just restrict the entire time my bro is here, since I've got a wedding to go to on the 7th on top of it all. Gah!!!! This is soooo dumb, I hate being a fat cow, and I hate being needed and wanted, I just want to hide in my hole and do what I please. I dont' want people to depend on me or want me around, or care if I don't eat. I just want to be left alone until I"m skinny.

[candy]

I'm officially a fat cow again. 105, it's all for naught, eating is the stupidest thing in the world, glutton is truly a sin, even though I'm not christian, I totally think "god" should smite me down for being such a fat pig. I hate me. gah!

My brother's going to be here in 2 days, there's no way I can lose the weight I want in two days, because I'm a fat pig, and I failed. Just like always. I was going to eat while my brother's here, but I can't I'm too much of a failure to eat, I don't deserve to indulge, I don't care what people say, I'm not worth it. I will only consume what was bought specifically for me to consume: diet coke and lettuce, nothing else besides water. I must lose this weight, I can't be a fat pig anymore.

I've been at this a year, and I've only lost 30lbs, I'm such a failure. I should be much less than I am now. I was on such a roll, then I had to go and try and recover and fuck everything up. Screw this. I will find some caffine pills and I will live off of those to give me energy, I don't care if I lose muscle, as long as the fat and the lbs go with it, it's all that matters.

[candy]

My brother got here today! yeah. I somehow managed to keep my cal intake fairly low (amazingly enough) I had some salad for lunch, then a tiny bit of pasta for supper. I just need to stop snacking on stupid things and I'll be good. Had 540 cals total today, didn't burn much off though, only did 20 mins of swimming, should've done more, but was too tired.

yesterday was awesome, I had 35 cals, since all I had was lettuce with mustard. I was so proud, and was going to do that today too, but i was way to weak, i couldn't do it and not be grumpy. I was all shaky and feeling crappy this morning when I woke up. But I didn't blow it so it's all good. I will lose weight while Justin's here. We'll be running around alot and I will avoid eating so it'll be all good.

Tomorrow (our bday) we're going deep sea fishing, then boogy boarding and swimming, so we'll get tons of exercise, and I hope to avoid eating. Fingers crossed.

[candy]

We're 20! Yehus. My birthday was great, everything went well. Went deep sea fishing in the morning, then had a pool party. I only had200 cals, and I even managed to get out of cake, it was great. I'm even on my period and I"m losing weight. I havent weighed myself thismorning, but yesterday I was down to 103 which is great because when I get off my period I'll be even less. I'm really happy.

I will hopefully be able to avoid food today, just drink diet coke, and maybe eat a few carrots.

Justin isn't the brightest, well I guess he just doesn't understand. We took the dog for a walk last night, and he asked if I was still bulumic, because I was mainly mia when I left home in Jan. I asked himif he'd seen me eat anything today, and he said no, but I guess it didn't mean anything to him, since he hadn't had much to eat either. He doesn't understand, but that works in my favour, since I'll be able to resrict tons and he won't care.

Oh we got our eyebrows peirced too, it's great. totally suits us. I love it!

[candy]

Today went alright, I wish I had of had less to eat, but I did pretty well. I've had 575 cals, which includes ice cream and graham crackers. People keep ragging on me about my eating, especially my brother, all of a sudden, but he doesn't knwo what he's talking about so I'm not going to worry about it. I'm down another lb this morning 102. I'm very happy that I"m losing again, especially since i"m on my period. I haven't done much interms of exercise since Justin's put a kink in my routine since I can't just ditch him for 2 hours while I go and work out, and he'd be bored out of his skull if I dragged him along. but I'm still losing so that's all that matters.

Yesterday went okish, had 673 cals. Did lots of activity, went swimming for 2 hours and also wandered around alot. Went bowling last night, oh and dancing in the rain, it was great fun although I was freezing cold afterward. good metab booster though right? I wish.

I'm really hoping I'll be in the double digits by friday for the wedding I"m going to on Sat, espeically since I'm going as David's date and I dont' know anyone there, so I don't want to be an obese cow meeting a bunch of his friends, just a fat cow, since I can't be skinny.

I'll keep losing, I will.

[candy]

Okay so major binge, Justin and I sat and watched movies and ate ice cream, out of the bucket. So bad for me, and I ate a ton yesterday too. I had 2 rice crispie squares, a bunch of veggie sticks (they're chippy things, like 140 cals for 1 oz, luckily you have to eat 1/4 of the bag to equal an oz because they're puffed up flour things), edamame, aged tofu and a crab roll. I had atleast 2000 cals, if not more, gross! I'm going to try really hard to fast today, I'll tell justin some sort of excuse....
I'm back up to 104lbs, I'm hoping it's just food weight though, and I'll get rid of it really quick. I've got to be 99 by friday, or I'm not going to the wedding, I refuse to be a fat cow, I'll just tell justin that if he wants me to eat. There's not much he can do about it, it's my body and my choice.

On a side note, I'm getting dreads put in, I'm so stoked, I miss my dreads so bad, it's going to be great.