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michellestar
Joined: 18 May 2006
Posts: 1746
Location: UK
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 Posted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 6:17 pm Post subject:
Anyone trying to stop bingeing and purging?
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I was going to reply to the post in the COE forum, but I put it here instead cos I don't just binge, I purge all the time too. Well, lately it's been all the time anyway. I managed to cut it down to just twice a week or so but recently it's been 2+ times a day 
I'm not trying to recover from all of my ED, just the bingeing and purging. I wish I could restrict all the time but I keep bingeing, usually in the evenings.
Before, I only purged if I ate a huge amount of something unhealthy, then I started purging even if I'd only eaten a small amount of something unhealthy but recently I've been feeling like I have to purge everything. Like, I eat an orange and then need to get rid of it because I worry about the 35 calories it has which is pretty stupid, I know, especially considering sometimes I binge hundreds and hundreds of calories at a time... 
Anyone else going through something similar?
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DollyAna
Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 2240
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| Posted: Sun Sep 24, 2006 2:17 pm Post subject:
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i went through a really bad purging stage & i desperately wanted to stop.i hate it so much & all the potential damage it can do,but it's s0oo hard to stop.it makes me hate myself even more when i do it & it exhausts me.but i haven't purged for six days now & i feel proud of that,but i just know i'll do it again,why oh why but i just know i will. 
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michellestar
Joined: 18 May 2006
Posts: 1746
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sun Sep 24, 2006 6:05 pm Post subject:
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| dollybabe63 wrote: | | i went through a really bad purging stage & i desperately wanted to stop.i hate it so much & all the potential damage it can do,but it's s0oo hard to stop.it makes me hate myself even more when i do it & it exhausts me.but i haven't purged for six days now & i feel proud of that,but i just know i'll do it again,why oh why but i just know i will. |
Yeah, a while ago I didn't purge for a whole week and stupidly believed I had 'recovered'. But I'm sure I can stop eventually, and you can too =) It's hard work but it's possible 
I just hope it's sooner rather than later!
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__marioneta
Joined: 25 Aug 2006
Posts: 105
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| Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 4:34 pm Post subject:
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I've never purged, but yesterday I took spoonfuls of my mom's soup and some bites of bread at Panera's, then later wanted really badly to purge it, stupid as it is of me.
Then I remembered seeing this particular thread, and how you guys were struggling so much with bulimia, and it made me completely turn against the idea--I just burned it off exercising later. I figured it would be disrespectful to your hardship to willingly take it upon myself, so I made the right decision not to. I just wanted to tell you that you really inspired me. I know you can stop, Michellestar, because I think you're a really strong, smart person.
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michellestar
Joined: 18 May 2006
Posts: 1746
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 7:40 pm Post subject:
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| __marioneta wrote: | I've never purged, but yesterday I took spoonfuls of my mom's soup and some bites of bread at Panera's, then later wanted really badly to purge it, stupid as it is of me.
Then I remembered seeing this particular thread, and how you guys were struggling so much with bulimia, and it made me completely turn against the idea--I just burned it off exercising later. I figured it would be disrespectful to your hardship to willingly take it upon myself, so I made the right decision not to. I just wanted to tell you that you really inspired me. I know you can stop, Michellestar, because I think you're a really strong, smart person. |
Well, thank you
And I'm glad you managed not to purge. It's really not worth it.
I'm still bingeing and purging, and more than usual too. It's like the harder I try to stop, the harder stopping gets
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michellestar
Joined: 18 May 2006
Posts: 1746
Location: UK
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Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 3:49 pm Post subject:
Re: Went to get help- didnt turn out so well
Subject description: Feel like the problem will be worse now
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| muffinpie wrote: | I am not trying to get rid of my entire ED either. Ana can stay.. .but I have been going through heavy purging lately for some reason (emotion issues I'm sure)- I went to seek help for this, and I could see the lady I was talking with judge me. The way she was asking me, it was like she was disgusted. I guess I can't blame her, but it made me feel horrible and even more shameful (she is the only person Ive ever told).
Even when I was 16 and hospitalized for heart issues and the doctor tried to call me out on it- I lied!
This is the first time I felt brave enough to ask for help, and now I never want to go back... and the first thing I did when I got home was binge and purge.
I don't know what to do now. |
I've never tried to ask for help from anyone other than another ana/mia because I was scared that I would be judged, which is exactly what happened to you. I'm not saying you should stop trying to get help, but if I were you I wouldn't see the same lady again because it sounds as though she can't really empathise with you so she won't really understand you and how to help you stop.
I thought I had managed to stop purging, but I did it again last night after weeks of not doing it. I've been bingeing every day though and have put on half a stone! Basically all the weight I lost, I've gained back, minus one pound.
I was trying to restrict to 600-900 calories for a while but as soon as I eat, I binge, so I've decided it's better for me to just aim to eat nothing at all and that way I'll be more likely to stick to it
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Rivka
Joined: 05 Feb 2007
Posts: 106
Location: Washinton
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sophie1b
Joined: 19 Feb 2007
Posts: 76
Location: uk
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michellestar
Joined: 18 May 2006
Posts: 1746
Location: UK
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| Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 4:04 pm Post subject:
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| sophie1b wrote: | | hey peeps. i have to throw up everything after ive eaten, i never eat in the day time but i allways binge about 7pm then thow up then exercise it all off but 2 day i've just binged, now im goingto throw up and do a 2 hour hour run. i hate being sick all the time i really do, just hanging over the loo feeling soo exhausted but it's a problem that i cant get rid of, an if im honest i actually like the feeling after ive done it but i gotta go now neways those calories r startin to soak into me.... post bk! x x |
That's partly why I can't stop. As much as I hate it, I do like the feeling after I've purged. I don't mean the physical feeling - sore throat, watery eyes etc - but the mental feeling, like I've done something really good by managing to get all the food up.
I don't feel the need to purge every time I eat though, just when I binge. I can't imagine what it must be like for you feeling like you have to purge everything!
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michellestar
Joined: 18 May 2006
Posts: 1746
Location: UK
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| Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 8:24 pm Post subject:
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| katblack wrote: | I like the physical feeling in my stomach -- so empty, so comforting. BUT I do not like the feeling in my teeth; they are so sensitive now it even hurts to touch, and I bleed when flossing. That recovered-ana girl on youtube had to have all her molars pulled out because her teeth were so rotten there was nothing they could do for her -- and this was after she had recovered. We have to remember that for every thing ana and mia give us (feelings of control, comfort, calm, etc) they're actually taking away much more (like actual control, relationships, sanity, health) for the rest of our lives. It's thoughts like this that make me so anxious to recover. I still want to be thin, but not dead or toothless.
Michellestar, apropos of vomiting up everything you eat, you gotta see how slippery that slope is. Once I started purging regularly, I just kept doing it with increasing frequency till I was at the point where I felt like I had to purge every time there was anything in my stomach (even something like diet coke). There is no control and no rationality with ed, that's why it's called disorder. |
It's okay, I am recovering now. I purged more and more often, until I was doing it three or so times a day, but I never felt like I had to purge absolutely everything. I just binged two or three times a day and then purged that, and occasionally my dinner if it was a big meal, but otherwise I felt okay. I could eat little bits and not want to purge. But I'm getting better now, bingeing quite a bit but only really purging twice a week for the last few weeks rather than twice a day!
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michellestar
Joined: 18 May 2006
Posts: 1746
Location: UK
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| Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:39 pm Post subject:
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| katblack wrote: | | That's great! I'm doing pretty good too - I purged on Saturday, but that was the first time all week, and I haven't purged since. But even better, I don't feel that I'm close to that mindset at all. I'm in a really good place, watching what I eat, so it doesn't get out of hand, and just trying to feel good about myself and where I'm at. And I've lost weight - I decided if I were going to stop purging, on the road to ceasing bingeing, I wasn't going to weigh myself because my twice daily weigh-ins were giving me an increasing amount of anxiety and I was getting really depressed again. So I don't know how much I lost, but I can feel the changes in my body, and it feels like coming home. |
That's great, it sounds like you're doing fantastic! 
I think weighing yourself less is probably for the best if it was giving you anxiety, and anyway, if you can actually feel the changes in your body then that's much better than just seeing the numbers go down.
Unfortunately I messed up today. I was doing so well and then after dinner I had this huge chocolate craving, and so I got a small 150g box of chocolates and ate them all. Then I had a pancake and two yoghurts, and purged the lot. So I'm back where I started.
I keep trying to not purge for 8 days, cos the most I have managed is 7, but maybe I'm taking the wrong approach. I should just face each day at a time.
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Caramel
Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 6
Location: Alaska
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| Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 4:58 pm Post subject:
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I just wanted to say, that reading your posts, is like reading my own mind. I am going through the exactly same thing... For some reason I have been binging almost daily lately, I have gain back all the weight I had lost, now I am so depressed. I had been purging all my binges too, until yesterday that I could not, and now I feel so bad and so sick... Sorry for the rant... I just needed to get it out, since the food stayed in...
I do not purge everything I eat either, only when I binge or I feel I have eaten too much...
Well, Today is a brand new day, I hope it is a binge/purge free one.
Love to all of you, 
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Caramel
Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 6
Location: Alaska
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| Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 5:07 pm Post subject:
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I just wanted to say, that reading your posts, is like reading my own mind. I am going through the exactly same thing... For some reason I have been binging almost daily lately, I have gain back all the weight I had lost, now I am so depressed. I had been purging all my binges too, until yesterday that I could not, and now I feel so bad and so sick... Sorry for the rant... I just needed to get it out, since the food stayed in...
I do not purge everything I eat either, only when I binge or I feel I have eaten too much...
Well, Today is a brand new day, I hope it is a binge/purge free one.
Love to all of you,
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