A tear(drop) for a tear

[Haunted]

I put on my favorite pants today. The ones I wear when I want to act like I feel good about myself. and I bent down to pick something up and i heard that horrible noise, the one you hear and you feel like you want to hide under your bed or into your closet for the rest of your life, I heard a tear. I wanted to hide. The thought of having to walk outside and have people see me scares the shit out of me. It makes me hate myself for having lost so much control of myself and what I put into my mouth.

I was once skinny. I remember being told my hip bones were sexy and I cant remember when I allowed myself to stuff my face the way Ive been doing. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? How could I allow myself to do this? I have managed to tuck myself into another me.

I have to do whatever it takes, WHATEVER. I need to regain control of the simple act of consumption. I control the food, it does not control me

[Briar]

Hey hun, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I was once skinny but somehow lost control. I became an emotional eater (I know who is to blame, but that’s another story hehe). I ate to feel good, but it only made me feel worse. Your exactly right, “I control the food, it does not control me.” Stay strong and determined! If you fall, pick yourself right back up and start again.
Good luck!!
Briar

[Haunted]

I am in bed already. What a successful day. I fasted. Nothing but coffee, sugar free Red Bull, and water. I had forgotten how good it feels to have hunger pains in the middle of the day as a reminder of what the goal is, and the control it means Im having.

Today I kept someone else from eating a burger from Wendy's.

Tomorrow is another day and Im hoping I can keep up the fact for atleast 7 days. Ive done it before and I am way more determined now.

[desirable dream]

Well done sweetie

It's a shame about your pants, but think of it this way - soon you'll be slim enough to buy a whole new (and nicer) pair!

[Haunted]

Thank you girls. Those were the ones that made my butt and hips look perfect. Ill be ok lol

Well another successful day. No food for me. Just more coffee, Sugar free Red Bull and water. I also bought Redline gelcaps after I saw someone said they lost 70lbs on them on here. Im hoping they really work.

I am exhausted. Work is really tiring and I never really noticed the amount of energy it takes out of me. Well the bright side is Im burning a ton of calories and consuming almost none so Ill be sure to get somewhere on this fast.

When I get to my goal weight I am going to buy myself a pair of black leather pants. YUMMY!!!

[Haunted]

Its funny how close you become to people online who you will never meet in person. Its funny how strangers are more understanding of you and what is inside your mind and your fears better than friends and family.

Its ashamed but we will almost never have friends who are with us all the way in this that we can go run with, sit at a restaurant and have water and salad with and work out with.

Maybe I will look for someone with an ana bracelet with I go to the gym.

[Haunted]

So Ive been fasting since Sunday and I have to say things are going GREAT!!!! I havent even felt tempted to cheat or anything. My main problem is that working all day I have been getting so weak and drained. My body aches! Ive been getting nasty migraines. I cant concentrate at work or anything. Ive been moody. Whatever, Im going to fast until I just can't take it anymore.

[Haunted]

Im so depressed right now and I hate everyone.

[tealeaf]

Why hon?

ps: have you been taking vitamins? You need those! they'll help you with the headaches as well.

ps: don't you just wanna kiss whoever invented sugarfree red bull?

Dunno where you live, but if you post your city, maybe there'll be others here, you never know!
(guess I'm living too far away to work out with, although if we'd both just bike halfway, we'd be soooo thin! )

keep up your spirits!

[Haunted]

NYC. Restaurant capital of the world. LOL

You walk outside and your body absorbs calories from the air lol

Im good today although I havent even gotten up yet.

This will be day 6.

Vitamins make me terribly naseous.

[tealeaf]

in that case it'd be a rowing contest.
Amsterdam here

how about the chewy vitamins? they're just like fruit flavoured chewy candy, but with all the vitamins (no sugar though, so your fast still counts!)
or is that a dutch thing?

[Haunted]

Still fasting.

i changed my sig so you guys can get a better idea of the journey and such.

[Haunted]

Christ what a day.
I am so beat. Finally it's the weekend. Another day off.
Another great day.

still fasting.

Tomorrow my best friend and I are going to hang out and he always puts crap loads of food in my face.

Dont know how Ill manage but I will somehow.

[tealeaf]

you are doing so well!
Keep strong!

can't you tell him you don't feel well and just have some juice of broth?
or loads of coffee?

[Haunted]

Im thinking Im going to tell him I ate already before I got there, and that someone at home is cooking before I leave. That way I can avoid trouble all day long.


I almost gave in and broke my fast last night. I bit myself really hard until I cried and the craving and everything went away. I was asleep within minutes.